George Eliot said this quote

I told you from the beginning—as soon as I could—I told you I was afraid of myself. There was a piteous pleading in the low murmur in which Deronda turned his ear only. Her face afflicted him too much. I felt a hatred in me that was always working like an evil spirit—contriving things. Everything I could do to free myself came into my mind; and it got worse—all things got worse. That is why I asked you to come to me in town. I thought then I would tell you the worst about myself. I tried. But I could not tell everything.