I can live for two months on a good compliment.
~ Mark Twain
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Necessity is the mother of taking chances.
When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
When in doubt tell the truth.
Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.
Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.
Don't let schooling interfere with your education.
I never let schooling interfere with my education.
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any.
