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[Patricia Highsmith] was overwhelmed by sensory stimulation - there were too many people and too much noise and she just could not handle the supermarket. She continually jumped, afraid that someone might recognise or touch her. She could not make the simplest of decisions - which type of bread did she want, or what kind of salami? I tried to do the shopping as quickly as possible, but at the check-out she started to panic. She took out her wallet, knocked off her glasses, dropped the money on the floor, stuff was going all over the place.

~ Andrew Wilson

Andrew Wilson Afraid Asperger S Asperger S Syndrome Aspergers Aspergers Syndrome Autism Check Out Decision Decisions Fear Glasses Jump Jumped Money Noise Overwhelmed Panic People Quickly Recognise Sensory Stimulation Shopping Stuff Supermarket Touch Wallet

After reading Burgum, [Patricia Highsmith] wrote in her cahier that, like Kafka, she felt she was a pessimist, unable to formulate a system in which an individual could believe in God, government or self. Again like Kafka, she looked into the great abyss which separated the spiritual and the material and saw the terrifying emptiness, the hollowness, at the heart of every man, a sense of alienation she felt compelled to explore in her fiction. As her next hero, she would take an architect, 'a young man whose authority is art and therefore himself,' who when he murders, 'feels no guilt or even fear when he thinks of legal retribution'. The more she read of Kafka the more she felt afraid as she came to realise, 'I am so similar to him.

~ Andrew Wilson

Andrew Wilson Abyss Alienation Art Authority Autism Belief Emptiness Explore Fear Fiction Gog Government Guilt Heart Hollowness Individual Kafka Material Murder Pessimism Pessimist Retribution Self Spiritual System Terrifying

[Patricia Highsmith] was an extremely unbalanced person, extremely hostile and misanthropic and totally incapable of any kind of relationship, not just intimate ones. I felt sorry for her, because it wasn't her fault. There was something in her early days or whatever that made her incapable. She drove everybody away and people who really wanted to be friends ended up putting the phone down on her.It seemed to me as if she had to ape feelings and behaviour, like Ripley. Of course sometimes having no sense of social behaviour can be charming, but in her case it was alarming. I remember once, when she was trying to have a dinner party with people she barely knew, she deliberately leaned towards the candle on the table and set fire to her hair. People didn't know what to do as it was a very hostile act and the smell of singeing and burning filled the room.

~ Andrew Wilson

Andrew Wilson Alarming Ape Asperger S Aspergers Aspergers Syndrome Autism Behaviour Burning Charm Charming Dinner Party Fault Feelings Fire Hostile Incapable Intimacy Misanthropic Misanthropy People Relationship Singeing Social Behaviour Unbalanced

[Patricia Highsmith] was a figure of contradictions: a lesbian who didn't particularly like women; a writer of the most insightful psychological novels who, at times, appeared bored by people; a misanthrope with a gentle, sweet nature.

~ Andrew Wilson

Andrew Wilson Bored Contradictions Gentle Insight Insightful Lesbian Like Misanthrope Nature Novels People Psychological Sweet Women Writer Writing

If [Patricia Highsmith] saw an acquaintance walking down the sidewalk she would deliberately cross over so as to avoid them. When she came in contact with people, she realised she split herself into many different, false, identities, but, because she loathed lying and deceit, she chose to absent herself completely rather than go through such a charade. Highsmith interpreted this characteristic as an example of 'the eternal hypocrisy in me', rather her mental shape-shifting had its source in her quite extraordinary ability to empathise. Her imaginative capacity to subsume her own identity, while taking on the qualities of those around her - her negative capability, if you like - was so powerful that she said she often felt like her inner visions were far more real than the outside world. She aligned herself with the mad and the miserable, 'the insane man who feels himself one with all mankind, all life, because in losing his mind, he has lost his ego, his self-ness', yet realised that such a state inspired her fiction. Her ambition, she said, was to write about the underlying sickness of this 'daedal planet' and capture the essence of the human condition: eternal disappointment.

~ Andrew Wilson

Andrew Wilson Ambition Autism Avoid Avoidance Charade Contact Deceit Disappointment Ego Empathise Empathy Fiction Human Hypocrisy Identities Identity Imagination Insane Life Loathe Lying Mad Mankind Mind Miserable Outside People Planet Self Ness Sickness Split Subsume Vision Visions

Throughout her life, Highsmith looked for women whom she could worship. Sex was far from the most important factor in any relationship; rather, it was this near-divine quality for which she yearned.

~ Andrew Wilson

Andrew Wilson Divine Importance Important Relationship Sex Women Worship Yearn

The artistic life is a long and lovely suicide precisely because it involves the negation of self; as Highsmith imagined herself as her characters, so Ripley takes on the personae of others and in doing so metamorphoses himself into a 'living' work of art. A return to the 'real life' after a period of creativity resulted in a fall in spirits, an agony Highsmith felt acutely. She voiced this pain in the novel via Bernard's quotation of an excerpt from Derwatt's notebook: 'There is no depression for the artist except that caused by a return to the self'.

~ Andrew Wilson

Andrew Wilson Agony Art Artist Artistic Life Creativity Depression Fall Life Metamorphoses Metamorphosis Negation Of Self Pain Personae Real Life Self Suicide Work Of Art

As the new year began, [Patricia Highsmith] felt completely paralysed, incapable of reading or picking up the phone. 'I can feel my grip loosening on my self,' she wrote. 'It is like strength failing in the hand that holds me above an abyss.' She wished there was a more awful-sounding word for what she was feeling than simply 'depression'. She wanted to die, she said, but then realised that the best course of action would be to endure the wretchedness until it passed. Her wish was, 'Not to die, but not to exist, simply, until this is over'.

~ Andrew Wilson

Andrew Wilson Abyss Depression Die Endure Exist Failing Grip Incapable Loosening Over Paralysed Paralysis Passed Reading Self Strength Suicide Wretchedness

As some people turned to religion for comfort, so, Highsmith wrote in her notebook in September 1970, she took refuge in her belief that she was making progress as a writer. But she realised that both systems of survival were, however, fundamentally illusory. She wrote, she said, quoting Oscar Wilde because, 'Work never seems to me a reality, but a way of getting rid of reality'.

~ Andrew Wilson

Andrew Wilson Belief Comfort Illusion Illusory Progress Reality Refuge Religion Survival Systems Work Writer Writing

People who fell in love at first sight, rushed home to their parents to tell them the good news and subsequently married were, [Patricia Highsmith] thought, retarded. Rather, a more honest appraisal of the nature of love positions it nearer to the horrors of mental illness. How else could you explain the fact that so many people were prepared to sacrifice the safety and cosiness of their lives for the thrill of a new romance?

~ Andrew Wilson

Andrew Wilson Cosiness First Sight Good News Honest Horror Horrors Life Lives Love Married Mental Illness Nature News Parents Retarded Romance Sacrifice Safety Thrill

Those close to [Patricia Highsmith], particularly her family, often commented on how Highsmith's vision of reality was a warped one. In April 1947, she transcribed into her notebook what was, presumably, a real dialogue between herself and her mother, in which Mary accused her of not facing the world. Highsmith replied that she did indeed view the world 'sideways, but since the world faces reality sideways, sideways is the only way the world can be looked at in true perspective.' The problem, Highsmith said, was that her psychic optics were different to those around her, but if that was the case, her mother replied, then she should equip herself with a pair of new spectacles. Highsmith was not convinced. 'Then I need a new birth,' she concluded.

~ Andrew Wilson

Andrew Wilson Asperger Syndrome Aspergers Autism Birth Face Facing Family Perspective Psychic Reality Sideways True Truth Vision Warped

Early in 1967 Highsmith's agent told her why her books did not sell in paperback in America. It was, said Patricia Schartle Myrer, because they were 'too subtle', combined with the fact that none of her characters were likeable. 'Perhaps it is because I don't like anyone,' Highsmith replied. 'My last books may be about animals'.

~ Andrew Wilson

Andrew Wilson Agent America Animals Fiction Likeability Likeable Misanthropy Paperback Selling Sold Subtle Subtlety Write Writing
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