Judith Martin Quotes

There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.

~ Judith Martin

There was no singles problem until singles got so single-minded that they stopped wasting time with anyone ineligible. Before that, it was understood that one of society's main tasks was matchmaking. People with lifelong friendships and ties to local nonprofessional organizations did not have to fear that isolation would accompany retirement, old age, or losing a spouse. Overburdened householders could count on the assistance not only of their own extended families, but of the American tradition of neighborliness.

~ Judith Martin

We are all born rude. No infant has ever appeared yet with the grace to understand how inconsiderate it is to disturb others in the middle of the night.

~ Judith Martin

The rationale that etiquette should be eschewed because it fosters inequality does not ring true in a society that openly admits to a feverish interest in the comparative status-conveying qualities of sneakers. Manners are available to all, for free.

~ Judith Martin

If you can't be kind, at least be vague.

~ Judith Martin

When virtues are pointed out first, flaws seem less insurmountable.

~ Judith Martin

The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes - naturally, no one wants to live any other way.

~ Judith Martin

Nobody believes that the man who says, 'Look, lady, you wanted equality,' to explain why he won't give up his seat to a pregnant woman carrying three grocery bags, a briefcase, and a toddler is seized with the symbolism of idealism.

~ Judith Martin

One reason that the task of inventing manners is so difficult is that etiquette is folk custom, and people have emotional ties to the forms of their youth. That is why there is such hostility between generations in times of rapid change; their manners being different, each feels affronted by the other, taking even the most surface choices for challenges.

~ Judith Martin

A wedding invitation is sent by people who have been saying Do we have to ask them? to people whose first response is How much do you think we have to spend on them?

~ Judith Martin

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

~ Judith Martin

I am a traditionalist, and I'm an innovator. Most of what I do is to weigh change and legislate to the best of my ability on what should change and what should not. Do I have a respect for tradition? Of course I do. Do I have a blind belief in it? No.

~ Judith Martin

Freedom without rules doesn't work. And communities do not work unless they are regulated by etiquette.

~ Judith Martin

It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

~ Judith Martin

Many people mistakenly think a new technology cancels out an old one.

~ Judith Martin

We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society.

~ Judith Martin