India is a geographical term. It is no more a United Nation than the Equator.
~ Winston Churchill
Judas needed the money for a sick friend.
~ Graffiti
Judge Crater - please call your office.
It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age he had been dead for two years.
~ Tom Lehrer
He wouldn't give a duck a drink if he owned Lake Michigan.
~ Anonymous
Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't put his pants on.
~ Arthur K. Watson
My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
~ Benjamin Disraeli
Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband.
Kiss principle: Keep it simple stupid.
Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.
~ Welter's Law
His shortcoming is his long staying.
He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Sherard Blaw the dramatist who had discovered himself and who had given so unstintingly of his discovery to the world.
~ Saki
The Right Honourable gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts.
~ Richard Brinsley Sheridan
Her face was her chaperone.
~ Rupert Hughes
Angels fly because they take themselves lightly.
~ G. K. Chesterton
When people don't want to come nothing will stop them.
~ Sol Hurok
Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.
~ Truman Capote
More and more these days I find myself pondering on how to reconcile my net income with my gross habits.
~ John Kirk Nelson
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
~ Sam Goldwyn
Epigram: a wisecrack that has played Carnegie Hall.
~ Oscar Levant
Include me out.
A hole is nothing at all but you can break your neck in it.
~ Austin O'malley
Mother: It's broccoli dear. Child: I say it's spinach and I say the hell with it.
~ Carl Rose
Flint must be an extremely wealthy town I see that each of you bought two or three seats.
~ Victor Borge
In uplifting get underneath.
~ George Ade
If there were any justice in the world people would be able to fly over pigeons for a change.
When the mouse laughs at the cat there's a hole nearby.
~ Nigerian Proverb
Fatigue is the best pillow.
~ Hindu Proverb
The ugliest of trades have their moments of pleasure. Now if I was a grave digger or even a hangman there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.
~ Douglas Jerrold
What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?
~ Bertolt Brecht
God made me on a morning when he had nothing else to do.
~ C. F. Lloyd
Nothing succeeds like one's own successor.
~ Clarence H. Hinclcs
Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
~ Cyril Connolly
In California everyone goes to a therapist is a therapist or is a therapist going to a therapist.
We also serve who only punctuate.
~ Brian Moore
Every director bites the hand that lays the golden egg.
If Roosevelt were alive he'd turn in his grave.
There's a wonderful family called Stein There's Gert and there's Epp and there's Ein: Gert's poems are bunk Epp's statues are junk And no one can understand Ein.
Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself.
~ Frank Capra
