Chelsea Handler said this quote

“ My mother agreed to aid my abuse of alcohol but only if I promised never to tell my newly converted Mormon sister, whose identity I had stolen. ”

Famous Quotes of Chelsea Handler

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There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.

~ Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler Alcohol Drinking Drinks Humor

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.

~ Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler Humor

Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.

~ Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler Drinking Humor

My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.

~ Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler Blow Job Giving Giving And Receiving Humor Oral Sex Self Sacrifice Selfless Selflessness Sex