Eugene Mirman said this quote

“ Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job. (You're totally welcome, guys. P.S. Girls can't see this sentence!!!!!) ”

Famous Quotes of Eugene Mirman

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Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, 'Don't abuse me like your parents abuse you!' Then call children's services and tell them you saw this bully crying in the bathroom and you're worried about him. Bam! He just got moved to a foster home.

~ Eugene Mirman

Eugene Mirman Abuse Advice Bullies Humor School

Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.

~ Eugene Mirman

Eugene Mirman Drinking Humor Philosophy

Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys--either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right.

~ Eugene Mirman

Eugene Mirman Humor Relationships Sports

Entertainment is business: the business of fucking art in the face.

~ Eugene Mirman

Eugene Mirman Art Business Entertainment Humor