“ I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. ”
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
~ Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.
