St. John Morris said this quote

“ St John had been sitting in the back garden twizzling a pencil, on the end of which a russet deposit was impaled, which had been left on the lawn by Marmaduke, next door’s ginger cat. His father had wandered in to the garden and seen St John mesmerised by the twirling mahogany baton. “What are you doing son?” he asked.“Toasting a witch”, St John replied. ”

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Run. Flee. Fuck off. Vanish from my presence and take the foul stench of your sordid secret with you.

~ St. John Morris

St. John Morris Comedy Humour Non Sequitur Satire Surreal

Next door to the Bensons is Emmet Frag, a retired pacemaker who is credited with inventing the notion of happiness. He’s currently working on a method for categorising ducks based on their singing voice. He’s also the owner of the world’s largest collection of tenor geese.

~ St. John Morris

St. John Morris Comedy Humour Non Sequitur Satire Surreal

St John had always been a fan of the RS Turbo, mainly due to the colour coded rear spoiler and air vents in the bonnet, which distinguished it from the more common and less powerful XR3i.

~ St. John Morris

St. John Morris Comedy Humour Non Sequitur Satire Surreal

He had also spent a day and a half without sleep trying to start an online petition to bring back the advert for Nationwide Building Society which said Dunroamin, twice, but half the through the second day of the campaign he had realised that it was an anachronism and the internet was about fourteen years away from mass consumption, so he stopped and went to sleep.

~ St. John Morris

St. John Morris Comedy Humour Non Sequitur Satire Surreal