Craig Johnson Quotes

It's only pre-marital sex if you plan on getting married.

~ Craig Johnson

It was a two-gallon Styrofoam cooler - one of the cheap ones that you can pick up at any service station in the summer season and then listen to it squeak to the point of homicidal dementia.

~ Craig Johnson

A writer, like a sheriff, is the embodiment of a group of people and without their support both are in a tight spot.

~ Craig Johnson

I've seen men ruined by drink, drugs and dodge pickup trucks, but this is the first time I've seen someone ruined by softcore porn...

~ Craig Johnson

I'd say the depths of his stupidity have yet to be plumbed, and yours is comin' up fast on the inside turn.

~ Craig Johnson

Interesting office management skills, kind of a 'violence is not the answer so I'm going to beat the shit out of you philosophy.

~ Craig Johnson

I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees and her book in my hands. Like a lot of things in my life, I'd just about worn it out, but it was worn out with love, and that's the best kind of worn-out there is. Maybe we're like all those used cars, broken hand tools, articles of old clothing, scratched record albums, and dog-eared books. Maybe there really isn't any such thing as mortality; that life simply wears us out with love.

~ Craig Johnson