Gary Shteyngart Quotes

Let's see if I can write about something other than my heart.

~ Gary Shteyngart

In contravention of my belief that any life ending in death is essentially pointless, I needed my friends to open up that plastic bag and take one last look at me. Someone had to remember me, if only for a few more minutes in the vast silent waiting room of time.

~ Gary Shteyngart

Reading is entering into the consciousness of another human being.

~ Gary Shteyngart

There's nothing wrong with her except she's completely fucked up.

~ Gary Shteyngart

Reading is difficult. People just aren't meant to read anymore. We're in a post-literate age. You know, a visual age. How many years after the fall of Rome did it take for a Dante to appear? Many, many years.

~ Gary Shteyngart

In the first few pages, Kundera discusses several abstract historical figures: Robespierre, Nietzsche, Hitler. For Eunice's sake, I wanted him to get to the plot, to introduce actual living characters - I recalled this was a love story - and to leave the world of ideas behind. Here we were, two people lying in bed, Eunice's worried head propped on my collarbone, and I wanted us to feel something in common. I wanted this complex language, this surge of intellect, to be processed into love. Isn't that how they used to do it a century ago, people reading poetry to one another?

~ Gary Shteyngart

How can we read when people need our help? It's a luxury. A stupid luxury.

~ Gary Shteyngart

I write because there is nothing as joyful as writing, even when the writing is twisted and full of hate, the self-hate that makes writing not only possible but necessary. I hate myself, I hate the people around me, but what I crave is the fulfillment of some ideal.

~ Gary Shteyngart

My mother is changing history. She is making her balalaika-smashing mother into a heroine. Does she want me to do the same for her? Is that what good children do for their parents? What about good writers?

~ Gary Shteyngart

Every moment I have ever experienced as a child is as important as every moment I am experiencing now, or will experience ever. I guess what I'm saying is that not everybody should have children.

~ Gary Shteyngart

I wonder what children whose parents have money think about in their spare time.

~ Gary Shteyngart

As every so-called creative spirit soon learns, the rest of the world doesn't particularly give a damn.

~ Gary Shteyngart

The novel was set in an unspecified near future, because setting a novel in the present in a time of unprecedented technological and social dislocation seemed to me shortsighted.... To write a book set in the present, circa 2013, is to write about the distant past.

~ Gary Shteyngart

My hair would continue to gray, and then one day, it would fall out entirely, and then, on a day meaninglessly close to the present one, meaninglessly like the present one, I would disappear from the earth. And all these emotions, all these yearnings, all these data, if that helps to clinch the enormity of what I'm talking about, would be gone. And that's what immortality means. It means selfishness. My generations belief that each one of us matters more than you or anyone else would think.

~ Gary Shteyngart

The simple trill of her laugh has not declined over the years, if anything it's been buffeted by her endless sorrows and disappointments.

~ Gary Shteyngart

The truth is this: The rich will rule even at a place like Oberlin, where their kind is technically forbidden. They will simply invert the power structure to suit their needs. They will come out on top no matter what. Stuyvesant was hard but hopeful; Oberlin, on the other hand, reminds me yet again how the world works. I guess that's why they call it an education.

~ Gary Shteyngart

She folds the pages of the books she reads when she wants to remember something important. Her favorite books are accordions, testaments to an endless search for meaning.

~ Gary Shteyngart

I want to be loved so badly, it verges on mild insanity.

~ Gary Shteyngart

In America, the distance between wanting something and having it delivered to your living room is not terribly great.

~ Gary Shteyngart

I am a kind of joke, but the question is: which kind? My job is to keep everyone guessing.

~ Gary Shteyngart

You could drown a kitten in her blue eyes.

~ Gary Shteyngart

We may not be a great power anymore, we may be into you for sixty-five trillion yuan-pegged, but we're not afraid to use our troops if our spades act up, so watch out, or we'll go fucking nuclear on your yellow asses if you try to cash in your chips.

~ Gary Shteyngart

The humiliation of growing up a Jew in the Soviet Union, of cleaning piss-stained bathrooms in the States, of worshiping a country that would collapse as simply and inelegantly as the one he had abandoned.

~ Gary Shteyngart

The fading light is us, and we are, for a moment so brief (...) beautiful.

~ Gary Shteyngart

Joshie has always told Post Human Services Staff to keep a diary, to remember who we were because every moment, our brains and synapses are being rebuilt and rewired with maddening disregard for our personalities, so that each year, each month, each day, we transfer into a different person, an utterly unfaithful iteration of our original selves, of the drooling kid in the sandbox. But not me. I am still a facsimile of my early childhood. I am still looking for a loving dad to lift me up and brush the sand off my ass and to hear English, calm and hurtless, fall off his lips.

~ Gary Shteyngart

And the looks on the faces of my countrymenpassive heads bent arms at their trousers everyone guilty of not being their best of not earning their daily bread the kind of docility I had never expected from Americans even after so many years of our decline. Here was the tiredness of failure imposed on a country that believed only in its opposite. Here was the end product of our deep moral exhaustion.

~ Gary Shteyngart

Michigan, with its delicious American name. How lucky one must be to live there.

~ Gary Shteyngart

After all, this is America, and you can swap out the parts of yourself that don't work. You can rebuild yourself piece by piece.

~ Gary Shteyngart

Maybe this is who I really am.Not a loner, exactly.But someone who can be alone.

~ Gary Shteyngart

All love is socioeconomic. It’s the gradients in status that make arousal possible.

~ Gary Shteyngart

These are all good things, I said. But no one knows where your country is or who you are. You don't have a familiar ethnic cuisine; your diaspora , from what I understand, is mostly in Southern California, three time zones removed from the national media in New York; and you don't have a recognizable, long-simmering conflict like the one between the Israelis and the Palestinians, where people in the richer nations can take sides and argue over at the dinner table. The best you can do is get the United Nations involved, as in East Timor. Maybe they'll send troops.We don't want the United Nations Mr. Nanabragov said. We don't want Sri Lankan troops patrolling our streets. We're better tan that. We want America.

~ Gary Shteyngart

She was clothed entirely in two large swatches of leather, the leather fake and shiny in a self-mocking way, absolutely correct for 1993, the first year when mocking the mainstream had become the mainstream.

~ Gary Shteyngart

You are not what you want. You are what wants you back.

~ Gary Shteyngart

Forget the fountain of youth, pal of mine. You can live to be a thousand, and it won't matter. Mediocrities like you deserve immortality.

~ Gary Shteyngart

We know summer is the height of of being alive. We don't believe in God or the prospect of an afterlife mostly, so we know that we're only given eighty summers or so per lifetime, and each one has to be better then the last, has to encompass a trip to that arts center up at Bard, a seemingly mellow game of badminton over at some yahoo's Vermont cottage, and a cool, wet, slightly dangerous kayak trip down an unforgiving river. Otherwise, how would you know that you have lived your summertime best? What is you missed out on some morsel of shaded nirvana?

~ Gary Shteyngart

Without humor, I cannot go on and I doubt many of my readers would go on either. Humor is so important. I am here to have fun here with my work.

~ Gary Shteyngart

The best thing about the iPhone is this that tells me where I am all the time. There's never a need to feel lost anymore.

~ Gary Shteyngart