I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
~ Jackie Mason
Ladies and gentlemen you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .
It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.
