The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
~ Lewis Grizzard
You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'
It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
