Age is mind over matter. If you don't mind it doesn't matter.
~ Satchel Paige
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
~ Anonymous
When she told me her age I believed her - why not? she hasn't changed her story for five years.
There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.
~ Red Skelton
She was born in the year of our Lord only knows. The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost. They are added to other women's.
~ Diane De Poitiers
Old age is like everything else to make a success of it you got to start young.
~ Fred Astaire
I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
~ Albert Einstein
The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.
~ Flip Wilson
I was just thinking when I was a young girl I never knew what every young girl was supposed to know. And now I am going to be an old lady I don't know what every old lady is supposed to know.
~ Edith Bunker
He is at an age that whenever a pretty girl smiles at him he immediately looks down to see what is unzipped.
~ Elmer Pasta
Life begins at fifty but so does bad eyesight arthritis and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same listeners.
Women don't get a tattoo. That butterfly looks great on your breast when you're twenty or thirty but when you get to be seventy it stretches into a condor.
~ Billy Elmer
When Julia Child was asked to what she credited her longevity she replied Red meat and gin.
Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument.
When we're young we want to change the world. When we're old we want to change the young.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly eat slowly and lie about your age.
~ Lucille Ball
I refuse to admit I'm more than fifty-two even if that does make my sons illegitimate.
~ Lady Nancy Astor
There are three ages of man: youth middle age and Gee you look good.
Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do.
~ Golda Meir
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
~ Sigmund Z. Engel
I'm at an age where my back goes out more than I do.
~ Phyllis Diller
Remember when we used to laugh at old people when we were young? Do you recall what was so funny?
If you want to know how old a woman is . . . ask her sister-in-law.
~ Edgar Howe
You know you are getting older when happy hour is a nap.
~ Gray Kristofferson
I wouldn't say someone is old just because his social security is in Roman numerals or because Mozart played at his senior prom.
Gray hair is God's graffiti.
~ Bill Cosby
If you think a lot of the comments made tonight are not funny but are immature and tasteless that's only because the sense of humor is the first thing to go.
I was going to take you out to lunch for your birthday . . . but you already are.
We've reached an age that when construction workers stare at us it's because they figure we might be considering a remodeling job.
~ Susan Mcclellan
You're only young once but you can always be immature.
~ Dave Barry
