Go to the cops then!” I shout. “But mind if I ask what you plan on telling them? Because saying two dead teenagers came to you in the middle of the night and told you something or someone is going to kill you is only going to get you locked in a cozy, padded cell.”“Well, it has to be better than spending another second with you.”“Make sure they put that on your headstone, will you? Right below ‘Here lies Benedict Bartholomew Ford. He had no friends and a really stupid name’.

~ Rebecca Harris

Rebecca Harris Be The Death Of Me Friends Funny Headstone Rebecca Harris

As usual, he saves his wife's for last. He leans on the cane and he looks at the headstone and he thinks about many things. Taffy. He thinks about taffy. He thinks it would take his teeth out now, but he would eat it anyhow, if it meant eating it with her.

~ Mitch Albom

Mitch Albom Couple Death Graveyard Headstone Humour Love Memory Sacrifice Taffy Teeth Widower

All things considered, the happiest epitaph to have etched on one's headstone is this: 'He never knew what hit him'.

~ Thomas Ligotti

Thomas Ligotti Epitaph Happiness Headstone Ignorance