Andy Weir Quotes

As with most of life's problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation.

~ Andy Weir

If ruining the only religious icon I have leaves me vulnerable to Martian vampires, I'll have to risk it.

~ Andy Weir

Actually, I was the very lowest ranked member of the crew. I would only be “in command” if I were the only remaining person.”What do you know? I’m in command

~ Andy Weir

I'm calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I've been through, shit on Mars should be named after me.

~ Andy Weir

Log Entry: SOL 118My conversation with NASA about the Water Reclaimer was boring and riddled with technical details. So I'll paraphrase for you:Me: This is obviously a clog. How about I take it apart and check the internal tubing?NASA: (After about 5 hours of deliberation) No. You'll fuck it up and die.So I took it apart.

~ Andy Weir

How did I end up in this situation? I'm the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space?

~ Andy Weir

Problem is (follow me closely here, the science is pretty complicated), if I cut a hole in the Hab, the air won't stay inside anymore.

~ Andy Weir

WATNEY: Look! A pair of boobs! -> (.Y.).

~ Andy Weir

Turns out even NASA can't improve on duct tape.

~ Andy Weir

So what’s the point of it all?”“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.

~ Andy Weir

I'm so close to Schiaparelli I can taste it. I guess it would taste like sand, mostly, but that's not the point.

~ Andy Weir

In other news, It’s seven sols till the harvest, and I still haven’t prepared. For starters, I need to make a hoe. Also, I need to make an outdoor shed for the potatoes. I can’t just pile them up outside. The next major storm would cause The Great Martian Potato Migration.

~ Andy Weir

They hate you.Why?Cause you're a dick, Mitch.

~ Andy Weir

When I was up there, stranded by myself, did I think I was going to die? Yes. Absolutely, and that’s what you need to know going in because it’s going to happen to you. This is space. It does not cooperate. At some point everything is going to go south on you. Everything is going to go south and you’re going to say 'This is it. This is how I end.' Now you can either accept that or you can get to work. That’s all it is. You just begin. You do the math, you solve one problem. Then you solve the next one, and then the next and if you solve enough problems you get to come home.

~ Andy Weir

Conclusion: I don't need the water reclaimer at all. I'll drink as needed and dump my waste outdoors. Yeah, that's right, Mars, I'm gonna piss and shit on you. That's what you get for trying to kill me all the time.

~ Andy Weir

The NSA?Yeah, they called and offered to help out. Same software they use for enhancing spy satellite imagery.Venkat shrugged. It's amazing how much red tape gets cut when everyone's rooting for one man to survive.

~ Andy Weir

Just three words? Nothing about his physical health? His equipment? His supplies?''You got me,' she said. 'He left a detailed status report. I just decided to lie for no reason.''Funny,' Venkat said. 'Be a smart-ass to a guy seven levels above you at your company. See how that works out.''Oh no,' Mindy said. 'I might lose my job as an interplanetary voyeur? I guess I'd have to use my master's degree for something else.''I remember when you were shy.''I'm space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job.

~ Andy Weir

It is of course dangerous to set off an explosive device on a spacecraft.

~ Andy Weir

Mars and my own stupidity keep trying to kill me.

~ Andy Weir

I stumbled up the hill back toward the Hab. As I crested the rise, I saw something that made me very happy and something that made me very sad: The Hab was intact (yay!) and the MAV was gone (boo!).

~ Andy Weir

Hey,” Watney said over the radio, “I've got an idea.”“Of course you do,” Lewis said. “What do you got?”“I could find something sharp in here and poke a hole in the glove of my EVA suit. I could use the escaping air as a thruster and fly my way to you. The source of thrust would be on my arm, so I'd be able to direct it pretty easily.”“How does he come up with this shit?” Martinez interjected.“Hmm,” Lewis said. “Could you get 42 meters per second that way?”“No idea,” Watney said.“I can't see you having any control if you did that,” Lewis said. “You'd be eyeballing the intercept and using a thrust vector you can barely control.”“I admit it's fatally dangerous,” Watney said. “But consider this: I'd get to fly around like Iron Man.”“We'll keep working on ideas,” Lewis said.“Iron Man, Commander. Iron Man.

~ Andy Weir

Space is dangerous. It's what we do here. If you want to play it safe all the time, go join an insurance company.

~ Andy Weir

Also, I'll lose half a liter of water per day to breathing until the humidity in the Hab reaches its maximum and water starts condensing on every surface. Then I'll be licking the walls. Yay.

~ Andy Weir

If I could have anything, it would be a radio to ask NASA the safe path down the Ramp. Well, if I could have anything, it would be for the green-skinned yet beautiful Queen of Mars to rescue me so she can learn more about this Earth thing called “lovemaking.

~ Andy Weir

Mars is not Earth. It doesn't have a thick atmosphere to bend light and carry particles that reflect light around corners. It's damn near a vacuum here. Once the sun isn't visible, I'm in the dark. Phobos gives me some moonlight, but not enough to work with. Deimos is a little piece of crap that's no good to anyone.

~ Andy Weir

One thing I have in abundance here are bags. They're not much different than kitchen trash bags, though I'm sure they cost $50,000 because of NASA.

~ Andy Weir

Designing a station with artificial gravity would undoubtedly be a daunting task. Space agencies would have to re-examine many reliable technologies under the light of the new forces these tools would have to endure. Space flight would have to take several steps back before moving forward again.

~ Andy Weir

If someone offered me a free trip to the International Space Station, I would decline. I like Earth. I like the internet. I like Diet Coke. I have cats. I write about brave people - I'm not one of them.

~ Andy Weir

Back in the days of Apollo, sending humans to the moon was the only viable way to get the scientific data we wanted. But now, with our computer and robotics technology, there's very little an astronaut can do on Mars that a well-designed rover can't.

~ Andy Weir