Some people won't have kids, but I’m not going to have parents. I’m burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight.
~ Bauvard
I shed a tear when I meet somebody who always quits. Reliable people are so rare in this world.
I lacked the knowledge of linear perspective needed to get into the art school, so now I whitewash walls and imagine I’m heaven’s landscape painter.
Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles.
If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.
I love the smell of a new book, but I prefer inhaling fresh bottles of ink and glue. They get me more lightheaded – unless I read the book.
Careers are not made in a family business, they are born – by patricide. Then they die from neglect, and avoid the tragedy of being put out of business.
Experience: the vehicle of history. Teenagers: the driving force behind fatal accidents.
We live in one of the few epochs of humanity where life isn't just a painful cycle of toil, fatigue, and collapse. Now pleasure gyrates us through those stages.
Men only treat women like princesses when they want to use them like prostitutes.
Bragging about your compassion is the first step towards feeling a genuine emotion.
Give up your dreams, you'll accomplish more without sleep.
Humor is not an end in itself, but a tool to understanding. A dense head must be tickled with an ax.
Self-awareness of one’s faults, far from being the first step to growth, is very often the second foot in the mud.
There is an enduring freshness in what remains strange and obscure which the cliches of greatness can only evoke nostalgia for.
I study men like I study books: I skim their midsections.
I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment.
Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face.
To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor.
The stoic contemplates fallen leaves, the epicure rakes them into a loveseat.
Embarrassing facts, those would really help our children remember their classroom lessons better.
First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.
