Brian South Quotes

Really the only time men and women get along is when women want sex.

~ Brian South

They say revenge is a dish best served cold. This isn’t correct. Revenge is a dish best served lukewarm or at room temperature (depending on the room) with a side of sauerkraut lightly sprinkled with pepper, a generous helping of golden brown roasted potatoes, and a large loaf of marble rye, washed down with any kind of unfiltered wheat beer.But whatever you do—and remember this, as it can be a matter of life or death—don’t put any sort of fruit in the beer. Fruit doesn’t belong in beer.

~ Brian South

When asked what profession they like least, most people will give the obvious answer: clowns.

~ Brian South

This is why it is important never to pick or smell flowers, and to always wear headgear when admiring them.

~ Brian South

Nothing says you care like sending someone a kitten.

~ Brian South

Brunch is such an odd thing. It was created by fat, lazy people who were too lazy to wake up at a reasonable hour and too fat to wait until the next proper time for dining.

~ Brian South

The less one knows about meat, the more one is able to enjoy it. Meat tastes wonderful, of course, but as with the lad hawking hard-to-find wares at unbelievable prices, it’s best not to ask too many questions.

~ Brian South

The toughest part about riding a horse is overcoming the urge to eat it.

~ Brian South

Sometimes the thing one wants most is the very thing that will get him killed with an axe.

~ Brian South