Amy hated--hated--the way the grown-ups her parents had surrounded themselves with were so quick to offer prayers and so low to actually do anything. Old women who barely left the house for anything but bingo and congratulated themselves on never drinking alcohol or saying dirty words, thinking God created humans to stay home and watch televangelists and just run out the clock until the day they die. Well, Amy figured you don't need more than five minutes on this planet to figure out that one thing we know about God--maybe the only thing--is that he favors those who act. David also believed that, through he didn't realize it.

~ David Wong

David Wong Will

You see, time is an ocean, not a garden hose. Space is a puff of smoke, a wisp of cloud.

~ David Wong

David Wong Movie Quote Space Theories Time Time Passing

But in those first hours after you take it, your brain is tuned in like nothing you can imagine. Eyes like the Hubble telescope, sensing light that's not even on the spectrum. You might be able to read minds, make time stop, cook pasta that's exactly right every time.

~ David Wong

David Wong David Wong Drugs Humor John Dies At The End Pasta Soy Sauce Surrealism Surrealist

Okay. When he comes, you can see him?Yes. I can hear him, too. And he, uh...She brushed the bandage on the side of her skull. I looked at her in bewilderment. Was she serious?He hits you?Yes.With his fist?Yes.John looked up from his coffee indignantly. Man, what a dick!I did roll my eyes this time and glared at John once they stopped. I don't know if you've ever seen a ghost, but I'm guessing that if you did, the thing didn't run over and punch you in the face. I'm guessing that's never happened to any of your friends, either.

~ David Wong

David Wong Ghosts Lol

Scientists talk about dark matter, the invisible, mysterious substance that occupies the space between stars. Dark matter makes up 99.99 percent of the universe, and they don't know what it is. Well I know. It's apathy.

~ David Wong

David Wong Motivational Inspirational

Well, they never know they're ill, do they? You can't diagnose yourself with the same organ that has the disease, just like you can't see your own eyeball. So, I suppose you just feel normal and the rest of the world seems to go crazy around you.

~ David Wong

David Wong Crazy John Phone

Gullibility is a knife at the throat of civilization.

~ David Wong

David Wong Aphorisms Civilization Gullibility

Your 'let's remain calm and stay put' speech would be a lot more convincing if you weren't giving it in front of a pile of burning skeletons.

~ David Wong

David Wong Burning Skeletons Convincing David Wong Pile Of Skeletons Remain Calm Skeletons Speech

Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a million zombies.

~ David Wong

David Wong Revenant Undead Zombies

Damn it! I knew she was a monster! John! Amy! Listen! Guard your buttholes.

~ David Wong

David Wong Comic Funny Hilarious Spiders

New technology is not good or evil in and of itself. It's all about how people choose to use it.

~ David Wong

David Wong Good Evil People