Donald Jeffries Quotes

From the moment any of us utter our first goo-goo's and ga-ga's, we are as good as gone. At that precise instant, any possibility that It will ever arise in us is irrevocably crushed. If any proof is needed, consider how immune to strong emotion our society has grown. At your next visit to the local funeral parlor, glance at the mourners, who can more properly be defined as spectators. Notice how they smell, how well-dressed and dignified they are. This is because viewing the dead has become overwhelmingly acceptable as a social function. Yes, even the corpse is part of the festivities, lying there as the guest of honor, laid out in his best clothes, pumped full of chemicals and smeared with make-up as the patrons file by and nurse their long buried consciences with silk handkerchiefs.

~ Donald Jeffries

He considered himself a sort of esoteric martyr, who'd sacrificed everything for principle. Apparently that little book had set him on a course towards political extremism, culminating in the loss of his job at the community college, as well as the breakup of his previously stable marriage. By the time he met Old Hoss, a few years later, Hiram Buckley was one of those unfortunates the normal and untroubled point at in scorn and laugh at derisively; a veritable dog that's kicked while it's down. He was, under such circumstances, a perfect companion for Abner Old Hoss Billingsly, one of the few people who didn't consider him a prime candidate for St. Elizabeth's, the infamous mental hospital located in the District of Columbia. Since his career in education had been so rudely interrupted, the Professor had worked his way through a series of menial, low paying jobs, which he inevitably lost due to his proclivity for preaching unwelcome and unpopular political ideas to his fellow employees.

~ Donald Jeffries

Following his wonderful introduction to the joys of womanhood, Waldo found a perverse pleasure in leaving his after-sex cigarette butt glowing on the lawn of the executive mansion. Despite Jeanne's repeated assurances that it wouldn't actually be visible to any nineteenth century passers-by, Waldo preferred to picture his discarded cigarette butt being the center of much scrutiny, with puzzled Civil War-era Washingtonians reacting to it in the same way Brazilian farmers would react to U.F.O.'s a century later.

~ Donald Jeffries

Waldo nodded and looked at the policeman's face. Somehow the water that was dripping from the bill of his cap made him appear almost human. Nah, Waldo thought, it would take a lot more than water to wash that look off.

~ Donald Jeffries

At Snortin' Reformatory, a notorious Washington, D.C. jail located in the northern Virginia suburbs, The Afro-Anarchists were being thrown into a cell. It was a situation that the three of them, like many young black males in the D.C. area, had long ago come to expect as a rite of passage. As the door slammed shut behind them, Bucktooth spoke. Man, Phosphate, they didn't read us our rights or nothin'. Yeah, Phos,” Fontaine chimed in, I didn't think they had to beat us, neither. And whoever heard of being charged with singing too loud and off-key in a public establishment? I don't believe there is no kind of law for that shit.

~ Donald Jeffries

She laughed again. You must go to the movies a lot. This is not Dracula, and the villain isn't Bela Lugosi. They took a good friend away from me, and they know I know. But, at any rate, I did try to find her boyfriend the day after she disappeared. I knew where he lived and I went there. His landlord said he'd left unexpectedly and he didn't know where he'd gone. Lucky for me he wasn't there, I suppose. She took another deep breath and squinted at her watch. Oh, my Lord. I didn't realize it was that late. I really must be going.

~ Donald Jeffries

Who originates the latest slang terms that are, seemingly overnight, known to every black youth across the country?

~ Donald Jeffries

Waldo, I say-that is-aren't you tired, my boy? Professor Buckley, suppressing a yawn, was unaccustomed to others matching his wakefulness wink for wink, as it were, and seemed jealous of the competition Waldo presented in that regard. Who can sleep? Waldo replied. We're on another of these crazy roads, we can't find the interstate.... Yes, I suppose you're right. The Professor interrupted, taking off his thick spectacles and polishing them on his bright tie. I, on the other hand, never sleep, as I'm sure you're aware. Waldo smiled. The Professor had little in life to be vain about, and he wasn't going to stop him from expressing a little pride now and then.

~ Donald Jeffries

I have come to the conclusion that there has never been an honest investigation by any authoritative body in the history of the world.

~ Donald Jeffries

Waldo inhaled deeply, staring at the ceiling. It was at times like this that he was at his worst. His mind, while indecisive, was also capable of producing the most detailed, fantastic daydreams imaginable, and with the mysterious disappearance of his grandfather as fodder, his speculations grew even more intense and far-fetched than usual. On the other hand, the logical part of his brain, underdeveloped as it was, went almost entirely untapped in such a situation. Waldo was literally frozen into inaction by his chemical makeup, and this was apparent in the number of cigarettes he lit, the number of sighs he expelled, and the number of times his helpless fingers alternated between nervously tapping the coffee table and running through his unkempt hair. All that night, Waldo remained awake, deep in unproductive thought, routinely walking back and forth from the living room to the front porch, where he would take a seat in the old-fashioned swing and smoke heavily. The blissful suburban setting, especially on spring nights like this, when the crickets chirped so lustily, and the porch swing creaked so reassuringly in the warm breeze, was perfect for conjuring up bold new fantasies.

~ Donald Jeffries

Obama’s election to the presidency in 2008 was treated more like acoronation, if not an intense religious ritual, by the establishment press anda fawning, glassy-eyed majority of Americans. Anyone who questionedanything at all about Obama was deemed to be a “hater” or, even worse,a racist.

~ Donald Jeffries

Gossip columnists patrol their mundane arena with the same sort of mysterious merit the advice-givers do. Plainly put, how does anyone become a gossip columnist? I can't simplify it down to a lower scale than that. Are there universities that offer courses in gossip writing? How about plain old Gossip 111? Are there that many literate people who could not write a gossip column? What then, qualifies the chosen few above the rest?

~ Donald Jeffries

Who is responsible for the incredible mess the present-day generation ofAmericans find themselves in? In this book, I hope to show exactly how thishappened. A series of deadly, inexplicable decisions by our elected leadersand corporate executives have paved the way to the crisis we must deal withnow. Corruption has grown entrenched, like an inoperable disease, in nearlyevery organ of the establishment. We must heed the words of one of America’sgreatest statesmen, Thomas Jefferson: “Single acts of tyranny may be ascribedto the accidental opinion of a day. But a series of oppressions, begun at adistinguished period, and pursued unalterably through every change ofministers [administrations], too plainly proves a deliberate systematic planof reducing us to slavery.” The American people have been dealing with justsuch a “series of oppressions” now for well over a century, and there canbe little doubt that it is the result of a “deliberate systematic plan.” The bestword to describe it is conspiracy.

~ Donald Jeffries

Waldo nodded and waved goodbye pathetically, like a young father going off to war. As soon as the door was closed and he was gone, Jeanne squelched her own apprehensions, opened the paper and read the poem Waldo had written for her:One taste of Jeanne and out I flewWildly, madly, in no directionBut hers, and yet so straight and trueI fly towards her with no protectionIt feels so strange to move this wayThough I should land, desire it seemsMoves in strange circles and so I stayDisoriented beyond my wildest dreams.

~ Donald Jeffries

Try this. O'Grady smiled. It's the only thing we drink. It'll warm your insides. What is it? Asked the ever cautious Waldo. We call it the Forest Flaming Special. Go ahead-drink up. Well, okay.... Waldo lifted the cup and nearly dropped it when saw his name printed clearly on the side. We've been expecting you. Explained Fred, beginning to laugh.

~ Donald Jeffries

Waldo was not alone by any means in trembling over an unjust plight. With the recent uproar over drunk driving, arrests had skyrocketed and detention centers all around the country were overflowing with bewildered motorists. Many of these dumbstruck, inebriated souls had been transferred and thoughtfully placed behind the same bars that held back murderers and rapists. Unfortunately for our heroes, they now joined the ranks of these luckless citizens.

~ Donald Jeffries