Mind Your Language in the Presence of PatriachsQ. When is rape not rape? A. When it is your father or stepfather.

~ S. Caroline Taylor

S. Caroline Taylor Child Rape Child Sexual Abuse Incest Minimization Rape Rape Myths

My goal in going public was not to put my extended family to shame, or to get back at Brian for abusing my sister and me; rather, my mission was to give a face and voice to an epidemic that society stays hushed about.

~ Erin Merryn

Erin Merryn Child Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Epidemic Erin Merryn Incest Molestation Rape Rape Culture Trigger Trigger Warning

She was so upset about a blog that maybe a total of six people read yet had no compassion for her granddaughters who had suffered the physical and emotional pains of sexual abuse and whose lives were changed forever. The two cannot even be compared, yet when someone is in denial about what happened, they cannot perceive what is true. It seemed too hard for her to let her mind go there and believe her grandson could do such terrible things.

~ Erin Merryn

Erin Merryn Child Rape Child Rapist Child Sexual Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Survivor Denial Disbelief Dysfunctional Families Dysfunctional Family Family Incest Lack Of Compassion Lack Of Empathy Lack Of Support Pedophile Protectots Rape Rape Culture Sexual Abuse Speak Out Trigger Trigger Warning Victim Blaming

I look upon the gift of my life as a wondrous journey.

~ Maureen Brady

Maureen Brady Adult Survivors Of Child Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Healing Old Fears Innocence Integration Psyche Soul Journey Survivor Wondrous Journey

For all this talk about us being a nation at war with child abuse, and for all the media hype about witch-hunts and false allegations — and don't ever let anyone use the word witch-hunts about this; there were no witches — the fact remains that in 1994, it is extremely difficult to come forward with allegations of sexual abuse. And the external forces of denial are almost overwhelming. If a case as verified as mine meets with denial, I dread to think about the experience of people who don't have the kind of corroboration that I do. And I really worry that we're getting close to a point where it's going to be impossible to prosecute child molesters, because we don't believe children, and now we don't believe adults. (Cheit Paper presented at the Mississippi Statewide Conference on Child Abuse and Neglect Jackson, April 29 1994.)

~ Ross Cheit

Ross Cheit Allegations Child Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Denial False Memory Syndrome Incest Paedophiles Pedophiles Society Denial Witch Hunt Witch Hunts

It was that culture of denial that allowed my abuse to take place to start with. Did you know that it wasn't until 1984 that the Department of Health added the category of sexual abuse to its list of harms that can befall children? When I was being raped and made pregnant at the age of 11, it wasn't just my own dissociative process that told me that it wasn't happening; it was society too. We don't have a category for that. Computer says no.͏

~ Carolyn Spring

Carolyn Spring Abuse Deniers Child Protection Child Rape Child Sexual Abuse Childhood Sexual Abuse Chosen Ignorance Denial Denial Of Abuse Denying Reality Department Of Health Dissociative Incest Inconvenient Truth Society Denial

The capacity of sex offenders for denial, rationalization, and minimization of their deviant behavior is confirmed by Salter's (1995) finding that the population she has interviewed seemed rather proud of their ability to manuipulate their victims into remaining attached and loyal to them. Salter notes that frequently child abusers target their victims by calculating their probably vulnerability relative to other children, recognizing that those already being abused by others are better prey than the never-molested children.

~ Harvey L. Schwartz

Harvey L. Schwartz Child Molestation Child Molesters Child Sexual Abuse Denial Minimization Pedophiles Rapists Sex Offenders

How was it that we were all so blind?

~ Joan Coleman

Joan Coleman Blind Can T See Child Sexual Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Survivor Denial Denial Of Child Abuse Dissociation Dissociative Identity Disorder Lack Of Awareness Society Denial

Sometimes buried memories of abuse emerge spontaneously. A triggering event or catalyst starts the memories flowing. The survivor then experiences the memories as a barrage of images about the abuse and related details. Memories that are retrieved in this manner are relatively easy to understand and believe because the person remembering is so flooded with coherent, consistent information.

~ Renee Fredrickson

Renee Fredrickson Abuse Survivors Avoidance Child Sexual Abuse Denial Healing Insights Survivors Trauma Memory

To heal from child sexual abuse you must believe that you were a victim, that the abuse really did take place. This is often difficult for survivors. When you’ve spent your life denying the reality of your abuse, when you don’t want it to be true, or when your family repeatedly calls you crazy or a liar, it can be hard to remain firm in the knowledge that you were abused.

~ Ellen Bass

Ellen Bass Child Sexual Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Survivor Denial Dysfunctional Family Healing Abuse Incest Recovery From Abuse Survivors

My mom called Grandma today and told her we would no longer be attending family parties. My mom told her we have had enough of being blamed for something Brian did and everyone brushing it off like it was no big deal.

~ Erin Merryn

Erin Merryn Abuse Survivors Assertiveness Blame Child Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Survivor Denial Dysfunctional Family Family Conflict Incest Pedophile Protector

Denial is commonly found among persons with dissociative disorders. My favorite quotation from such a client is, We are not multiple, we made it all up. I have heard this from several different clients. When I hear it, I politely inquire, And who is we?

~ Alison Miller

Alison Miller Child Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Childhood Abuse Ddnos Denial Dissociation Dissociative Disorders Dissociative Identity Disorder Multiple Personality Disorder Split Personality

Both incest and the Holocaust have been subject to furious denial by perpetrators and other individuals and by highly organised groups such as the False Memory Syndrome Foundation and the Committee for Historical Review. Incest and the Holocaust are vulnerable to this kind of concerted denial because of their unfathomability, the unjustifiability, and the threat they pose to the politics of patriarchy and anti-Semitism respectively. Over and over, survivors of the Holocaust attest that they were warned of what was happening in Poland but could not believe it at the time, could not believe it later as it was happening to them, and still to this day cannot believe what they, at the same time, know to have occurred. For Holocaust deniers this is a felicitous twist, for their arguments denying the Holocaust and therefore the legitimacy of Israel as a Jewish state capitalize on the discrepancies of faded memory. In the case of incest, although post-traumatic stress disorder, amnesia, and dissociation represent some of the mind's strategies for comprehending the incomprehensible, incest deniers have taken advantage of inconsistencies to discredit survivor testimony.

~ Janet Walker

Janet Walker Abuse Enablers Abusers Amnesia Anti Semitism Child Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Committee For Historical Review Denial Discredited Disinformation Dissociation False Memories False Memory Syndrome Foundation Fmsf Holocaust Incest Israel Jewish Pedophilia Perpetrators Politics Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Ptsd Regious Hatred Society Denial Survivors Witnesses

But in any case, validity, offender self-reports have dubious validity, especially when the offender's self-interest is at stake. The only rule for deception in sex offenders I have ever found is this: If it is in the offender's best interests to lie, and if he can do it and not get caught, he will lie. Being victimized as a child has become a ready excuse for perpetrating child molestation. The offender who claims he himself was victimized gets seen as less of a monster than one who wasn't a victim, and he gains much more empathy and support. It is hard to trust self-reports of sex offenders about abuse in their past when such reports are in their best interest.Only a few studies on this topic have used objective measures, and they have found very different results.[102]

~ Anna C. Salter

Anna C. Salter Child Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Excuses Pedophiles Rapists Sex Offenders Sexual Abuse Victim Perpetrators

One of the reasons a survivor finds it so difficult to see herself as a victim is that she has been blamed repeatedly for the abuse: If you weren't such a whore, this wouldn't have to happen. Each time she is used and trashed, she becomes further convinced of her innate badness. She sees herself participating in forbidden sexual activity and may often get some sense of gratification from it even if she doesn't want to (it is, after all, a form of touch, and our bodies respond without the consent of our wills). This is seen as further proof that the abuse is her fault and well deserved. In her mind, she has become responsible for the actions of her abusers. She believes she is not a victim; she is a loathsome, despicable, worthless human being—if indeed she even qualifies as human. When the abuse has been sadistic in nature...these beliefs are futher entrenched.

~ Diane Mandt Langberg

Diane Mandt Langberg Abuse Survivors Child Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Survivor Child Sexual Abuse Survivors Complex Ptsd Complex Trauma Dehumanization Incest No Longer Human Self Blame Victim Blaming

Richard Gardner (2004), the creator of ‘‘parental alienation syndrome’’, considers that the ‘‘parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is primarily a disorder of childhood. The false memory syndrome (FMS) is a disorder of young adults, primarily women. They share in common a campaign of acrimony against a parent’’. In reality, these so-called syndromes are both used to discredit the testimony of individuals who claim to have been abused, sexually or otherwise. When adults report that they have recovered memories of childhood abuse, others may claim that they have false memory syndrome. When children do not repress or forget the abuse, if there is no period of amnesia, then some may claim that they have parental alienation syndrome (Ceci & Bruck, 1995; Dallam, 1999).

~ Jenny Ann Ryberg

Jenny Ann Ryberg Child Abuse Child Sexual Abuse False Memory Syndrome False Memory Syndrome Foundation Patent Alienation Syndrome Trauma Memories

..[The] disclosure of the incest secret initiates a profound crisis for the family usually...the abuse has been going on for a number of years and has become an integral part of family life. Disclosure disrupts whatever fragile equilibrium has been maintained, jeopardizes the functioning of all family members, increases the likelihood of violent and desperate behavior, and places everyone, but particularly the daughter, at risk for retaliation.

~ Judith Lewis Herman

Judith Lewis Herman At Risk Youth Child Abuse Child Protection Child Protective Services Child Rape Child Sexual Abuse Crisis Dysfunctional Families Dysfunctional Family Family Secrets Incest Secrecy Sexual Abuse

For many people, the shock of sexual abuse pales before the shock of this mother’s statement, “I wish the fuck I never had her.” So thoroughly is motherhood sentimentalized that the mother who wishes to be rid of her child is considered a monster. In reality, women have always greeted the burden of motherhood ambivalently, even in the best of circumstances, and many women bear children involuntarily. But the approbrium which attaches to any woman who willing gives up her child is so great that some mothers will keep and mistreat their children rather than admit that they cannot care for them. Sometimes, the revelation of maternal neglect constitutes a plea for outside intervention, signaling the fact that a mother wants to be relieved of the duty to care for her child.

~ Judith Lewis Herman

Judith Lewis Herman Abusive Mother Abusive Parent Abusive Women Child Abuse Child Neglect Child Protection Child Protective Services Child Rape Child Sexual Abuse Incest Maternal Neglect

Maternal absence, in one form or another, is always found in the background of the incest romance. Womens literature on incest generally treats the theme of maternal absence tragically. Mens literature trivializes it or treats it comically. And clinical literature tends to treat it judgmentally.

~ Judith Lewis Herman

Judith Lewis Herman Abusive Parents Child Abuse Child Rape Child Sexual Abuse Incest Maternal Neglect Parental Abuse Survivors

Beyond telling and getting away however there are an awful lot of myths out there about how to move on or get justice. People may tell you to report the crime or confront you abuser- or even to forgive him. I don't necessarily advocate any of these things. I think counseling of some kind can be enormously useful, but the bottom line is that the main way to heal is to find people who will support you, to talk about what happened, and to ground yourself in the reality that the abuse was not your fault, that you have nothing to be ashamed of, and that you deserve great love and happiness in your life.

~ Patti Feuereisen

Patti Feuereisen Child Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Sexual Abuse Survivors

You may experience waves of disbelief after each memory you retrieve. Whether as a phase or waves, the disbelief is usually accompanied by massive self-hate and guilt. ‘How can I even think such a thing? I must really be warped,’ you tell yourself.

~ Renee Fredrickson

Renee Fredrickson Child Abuse Child Abuse Survivor Child Sexual Abuse Disbelief Dissociated Dissociation Dissociative Amnesia Incest Recovered Memories Repressed Memories Self Doubt Trauma Memory

Sexual abuse of children now presents society with the ultimate crisis of patriarchy, when children refuse to protect their fathers by keeping secrets.

~ Beatrix Campbell

Beatrix Campbell Abusive Father Abusive Parent Child Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Family Secrets Incest Parerntal Abuse Patriarchy Sexual Abuse

As long as fathers rule but do not nurture, as long as mothers nurture but do not rule, the conditions favoring the development of father-daughter incest will prevail.

~ Judith Lewis Herman

Judith Lewis Herman Abusive Father Abusive Men Abusive Parent Child Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Incest Inequality Patriarchy Sexual Abuse Traditional Female Roles

There is an intergenerational reoccurrence rate of 30% in incest.

~ G. Pirooz Sholevar

G. Pirooz Sholevar Child Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Dysfunctional Families Dysfunctional Family Incest Multigeneratational Abuse

While some accused and convicted child molesters have inappropriately influenced the media, the public, and many in the clinical and legal professions by claiming that traumatic amnesia does not occur in child sexual abuse, workers in the field of trauma psychology have accumulated solid empirical evidence over the past 100 years that it does occur and is common. Its existence and natural history are documented throughout the clinical literature. from:Traumatic amnesia: The evolution of our understanding from a clinical and legal perspective, Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity: The Journal of Treatment & Prevention, Volume 4, Issue 2, 1997

~ Charles L. Whitfield

Charles L. Whitfield Amnesia Child Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Dissociative Amnesia Memory Loss Psychogenic Amnesia Rape Culture Rape Myths Recovered Memory Recovered Memory Therapy Repressed Memory Trauma Memories

The literature on ritualistic abuse suggests that ritualistic sexual practices with young children are a characteristic of particularly abusive groups, and that such practices typically occur alongside a diverse range of other abusive practices, such as child prostitution and the manufacture of child abuse images. One of the shortcomings of the available literature, however, is the general presumption (implicit or explicit) that abusive groups are motivated by a religious or spiritual conviction. In clinical and research literature, abusive groups are generally referred to as 'cults', and 'cult abuse' is a term that has been used interchangeably with 'ritual abuse'. p38

~ Michael Salter

Michael Salter Child Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Clinical Literature Cult Cult Abuse Cults Definition Intergenerational Abuse Research Ritual Abuse Ritualistic Abuse Ritualistic Sexual Abuse Satanic Ritual Abuse Sra Terms

While my sister and I were reminded we did not cause this pain, it was knowing that because we broke our silence about what had been done to us, our parents were hurting. That knowledge was hard on us.

~ Erin Merryn

Erin Merryn Abuse Survivor Child Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Empathy Family Pain Pain In Others Survivor Sympathy Trigger

An undergraduate researching the witch hunt cases asked for evidence that there had been more than one hundred cases, noting that the major lists of such cases added up to about fifty. There was no reply that provided documentation to support the claim.[34] The members of the list were generally strong proponents of the witch-hunt narrative. They knew the answer to the question “Is there a child sex abuse witch hunt?” These “witch hunters,” as those on this list soon came to describe themselves, were increasingly activists who used the internet to exchange information and ideas. Jonathan Harris may have done more than anyone else to disseminate the witch-hunt narrative in the mid 1990s and beyond.[35]

~ Ross Cheit

Ross Cheit Activists Child Abuse Child Sexual Abuse Narrative Sexual Abuse Witch Hunt Witch Hunters Witchhunt

I am disgusted that I was often taken into their bed and told to do things to both of them. The things a decent parent wouldn't think of. I didn't know that having sex with her or with him was wrong because I'd never known anything else but I never understood why it used to hurt so much. It carried on right until she died and I am sure that if she was still alive it would still be going on now. I wished someone would help me and stop them hurting me. I tried to do what they told me to do because somethings they were nice to me if I did it properly.- Graham talks about being sexually abused by his mother (and her boyfriend)Graham was sexually abused by his mother. The only person who showed him any affection in his childhood was his grandmother.My mother always told me the police would think I was a 'dirty little bastard' if I told them and they would take me away to a children's home and I would never see grandmother again.I knew it was my fault and nobody would believe me.- Graham Children often do not tell about abuse because of their fears about how other people will respond. The most common fear is that they will not be believed, It is a child's word against an adult's and the adult may be well liked and respected in the community. Nowadays, because of the television and newspaper coverage, people are aware that child sexual abuse does happen. In the recent past it was thought to be a rare occurrence, so even if they were trusted adults around for a child to tell, the adult would probably have found it difficult to believe and would have little idea what to do about it.

~ Carolyn Ainscough

Carolyn Ainscough Child Abuse Child Rape Child Sexual Abuse Sexual Abuse Survivor Victim