Mystery Quotes

Maybe knowledge is power, but it's damned hard to think a burglar to death.

~ Lois Greiman

Men are like beer. Some are bold and some are smooth. But every damn one of 'em has a big-ass head full of air.

~ Lois Greiman

Writers are like onions, layers upon layers upon layers.

~ Luke Taylor

My name is Jane Delaney and I do things my paying customers can’t do, don’t want to do, don’t want to be seen doing, can’t bring themselves to do, and/or don’t want it to be known they’d paid someone to do. To dead people.

~ Pamela Burford

Dean was about to dismiss me with a quick nod, but my name caught his attention. “Hey, you’re that Death Diva girl, right?”“’Fraid so.”“Huh.” He studied me a moment as he extracted a lighter and pack of cigarettes from his shirt pocket. I studied him back. Dean’s head bore the aftermath of what had to be the world’s worst hair transplant. Reddish brown crop rows marched back from a severe, slightly lopsided hairline. The whole mess had been meticulously blow-dried and sprayed in a swept-back style more appropriate to the 1980s.He tapped out a cigarette. “You make money doing that?”“Why, yes I do,” I said. “That’s kind of the point of it.” That’s the number-one question I get asked.“What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done, eh?” The number-two question, right on schedule.

~ Pamela Burford

He really just wanted to blurt out, ‘My Grandma’s dead’, but he knew that when it came to it, the words would stick like pebbles in his throat.

~ Helen Laycock

I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet

~ Lois Greiman

If they really wanted us to resist temptation, they shouldn't a made it so damn tempting.

~ Lois Greiman

It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine.

~ Lois Greiman

In my experience, what the hell is generally the most interesting decision.

~ Lois Greiman

There is not a simple gene pool entirely free of toxic waste.

~ Lois Greiman

Marriage is like a toothbrush. It starts out smooth and gets kind of prickly towards the end.

~ Lois Greiman

Friends are nice. You can tell' 'em stuff, but you can swear like a gangster at an enemy. And that's all right, too.

~ Lois Greiman

Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation'll knock down the damn door and drag you out by the hair.

~ Lois Greiman

Maybe in fairytales you're only as old as you feel, but here in L. A. you're every second as old as your pores.

~ Lois Greiman

Love may be blind, but lust is just damn stupid.

~ Lois Greiman

And thanks to Christina McMullen, who has taught me that common sense and intelligence need not have any correlation whatsoever.

~ Lois Greiman

There is no feature as attractive as a well exercised intellect.

~ Lois Greiman

You really don't know a person until you spend some time in their panties.

~ Lois Greiman

Old-age sucks, but the alternative doesn't look that great, either.

~ Lois Greiman

He who laughs loudest has a high probability of being extremely inebriated.

~ Lois Greiman

She may be an old flame, but she still smokin'.

~ Lois Greiman

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but tequila makes it so she doesn't give a shit if she's fond of you are not

~ Lois Greiman

In 50 years it won't matter if he's handsome, ugly, or dumb as a post, just try to find someone who don't make you want to shove a pitchfork up his nose.

~ Lois Greiman

In this town, a successful marriage is one that lasts longer than ice.

~ Lois Greiman

In the movie business, the ones we call Lucky are usually those idiots who are just too damn stubborn to take no for an answer. Come to think of it, the movie business is kind of like life.

~ Lois Greiman

There isn't much a pan of warm Brownies and a glass of milk will fix. In less it's low grain prices. Or poverty. Or the national debt. I guess there are a few things, but nothing you have to worry about right this minute.

~ Lois Greiman

Gregory of Nyssa points out that Moses's vision of God began with the light, with the visible burning bush, the bush which was bright with fire and was not consumed; but afterwards, God spoke to him in a cloud. After the glory which could be seen with human eyes, he began to see the glory which is beyond and after light. The shadows are deepening all around us.

~ Madeleine L'engle

I ain't taking no more rides on the stupid train.

~ Lois Greiman

Dating is like nightfall--there's got to be a mourning after.

~ Lois Greiman

Don't worry. It's scientifically unlikely that the universe will explode into a million particles at any given moment.

~ Lois Greiman

Dating--the socially accepted alternative to the rack.

~ Lois Greiman

In my opinion, kissing a lady's hand is a fine tradition. After all, a man must start somewhere.

~ Lois Greiman

Some people say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. In actuality, you have to make an incision through his skin, both dermis and epidermis, then carefully sever and separate the sternum. Only upon viewing the exposed thoracic cavity can you reach the heart--if indeed the male of the species actually possesses such an organ.

~ Lois Greiman

I don't need no PMS. I can bitch under my own steam.

~ Lois Greiman

Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it can get you a nice little villa in Tuscany, and that's close enough for me.

~ Lois Greiman

Solberg, nature's greatest argument against cloning.

~ Lois Greiman

He's an undersized pissant with delusions of adequacy.

~ Lois Greiman

Jealousy. It's a terrible thing. Unless it's someone else's.

~ Lois Greiman

It'd hardly be worth having a brother at all, if you couldn't smack him in the head every once in a while.

~ Lois Greiman