Satire Quotes

[An] explanation that was simply in the best traditions of female logic:I don't know why, but I want it, so you need to give me that expensive thing.

~ Michael Atamanov

When it comes to assassination, execution is everything.

~ R.s. Gompertz

History repeats, again.

~ R.s. Gompertz

For instance, the cards that I wrote for the company's 'I'd Like to Declare My Confused and Ambiguous Fondness for You' line were all notorious failures, some of which were blamed as the single direct cause of several nasty divorces, and some of their purchasers had actually taken the effort to discover the identity of their anonymous author, sending me hate mail, dead fish, and poorly wrapped, oil-stained packages emitting ticking noises.

~ Dexter Palmer

Did you know that the United States is ranked fiftieth in the world in life expectancy? And the forty-nine loser countries where they live longer than us...they live shackled to the tyranny of nonprofit health care. Here in America, you're not coughing up blood, little Bobby, you're coughing up freedom!

~ Bill Maher

It's nice to be able to do things for other people, isn't it?That's why it's fun to talk in the third person sometimes.

~ Patrick Bryant

They tugged plans and ambitions out their asses and held tight to the first that didn't smell so strongly of shit.

~ Patrick Bryant

Preferring the nausea of the path to its fated and certain ending.

~ Patrick Bryant

The madrigore of verjuice must be talthibianised.

~ C.s. Lewis

Get some sleep, Secretary General, get some sleep. Revolution can wait till the morning.

~ Mohammed Hanif

Valentine's Day is a disaster. Any day that is designed to perfectly encapsulate something as messy and personal as two people in a romantic relationship would have to be. But in Night Vale it also kills people. This is called satire.

~ Joseph Fink

He was eager to tell me about his latest work, which consisted of him vomiting on a footpath, then cordoning it off. Each artwork lasted until the first ‘philistine’ thought to take the rope down.‘In that way, the philistine is drawn – whether he likes it or not – into my art. He becomes part of it…and the vomit part of him. Essentially, it is the cosmic vomit. We all spew it. It blurs the boundaries, subverts the liminal…

~ Paul Christensen

Thom pulled nervously at his ‘Kings’ t-shirt. The Kings are a brutal West African gang that he follows onscreen. Such ‘tourist shows’, as I understand they are called, have become wildly popular in recent years, as global unrest makes actual travel less popular. Armoured imaging teams, using tiny remote drone cameras known as ‘flies’, take the viewer inside the violent, gang-controlled regions of Nigeria and Cameroon. Using a touch screen, viewers (or ‘zoners’ as they are sometimes called) can follow the action from multiple angles while cheering on their favourite gang.

~ Paul Christensen

He hiccupped and continued: I write therefore I come...But unfortunately, my orgies are never eternal!...

~ Fiston Mwanza Mujila

If you are against abortions, don't have one.

~ Scott Andrews

Every single day an estimated eighteen million men gratuitously waste the future of our country, by needlessly ejaculating one hundred million citizens of our country, which had they been born, would have made us the strongest country on the planet.

~ Scott Andrews

In such societies it is common for ordinary people to seek out celibate spiritual leaders for marriage, love and sometimes sexual guidance. This strikes me as a particularly stupid kind of folly. Nobody ever asks a vegetarian for a recommendation for a steak house

~ Scott Andrews

Leave it to the Americans to use love as a motivational tool while challenging insects to declare whether they are with you or against you.

~ Taiyo Fujii

The burden is on the sane.

~ Warren Alexander

But you understand the relationship between pi and Gaussian curvature, right? pg 264

~ Danyl Mclauchlan

Steve needed to be careful here. He'd read mid-twentieth-century science fiction so he knew that once you started switching realities you ran into problems with nested levels of existence.

~ Danyl Mclauchlan

Perhaps there's an innate human emotion inside us all that when we are presented with something we don't understand, we immediately want to kill it.

~ Todd Berger

Satire today has become a flat ‘tyre'.

~ Amit Abraham

If you are not wrong only Pontius Pilate can crucify you.

~ Amit Abraham

If you want to make God laugh, tell him-her your plan

~ Anonymous

A first edition of Peter Pan appeared gift-wrapped on my bed - Lucy admitted that Asher had drafted her to help deliver that present.

~ Corrine Jackson

A question I have often asked is, ‘What would an inoffensive political cartoon look like?’ What would a respectful cartoon look like? The form requires disrespect and so if we are going to have in the world things like cartoons and satire, we just have to accept it as part of the price of fre

~ Salman Rushdie

Somewhere in the distance he could hear a wireless playing Judy Garland's 'Over the Rainbow.' Wolf had seen the film but, had he been the one swept up to the magical land of Oz, he would have raised an army of flying monkeys, stuck the witches in a concentration camp, razed the Emerald City to the ground and executed the wizard for communist sympathies, being a Jew, a homosexual, intellectually retarded, or all of the above.He did like the tune, though.

~ Lavie Tidhar

I write humor as it's pretty much the only thing keeping me out of an asylum.

~ Bonnie Daly

Proceed with caution when you befriend a writer, for if you fall out of their good graces they have the delightful capability of doing any number of dastardly things to you upon the written page.

~ Bonnie Daly

A good joke doesn’t necessarily need appreciation from others. One can freely laugh at one’s own deserving jokes.

~ Pawan Mishra

He passed the lighter down the table until Descartes held it in one hand while setting the greasy cylinder down on the table. After smoothing it out, Descartes sparked up the lighter. With the lighter drawn near the grease, the aroma of burnt hair filled the board room.

~ Dylan Callens

...Mrs. Percy understood that staying beautiful all day long is the most important aspect of being married...

~ Tevin Hansen

Would you like to try some cocaine?” Freud offered, “I think you will find it picks you up quite nicely.”“No thanks,” God declined, holding his soft hands up to show his resistance.

~ Dylan Callens

What’s the matter for you? You wanna see a stereotypa, suck on my Italian sausage and…”Einstein interrupted by leaping out of his chair, hovering over Da Vinci with his eyes as wide open as possible. His long pointy tongue stuck out like a frog ready to snap at a fly.“Oh, you wanna licka my bocce balls, do you?

~ Dylan Callens

We should have smashed through the door long ago,” grunted Thor. Everyone had always thought of Thor as Lennie from Of Mice and Men: too big and too slow. The chief difference being that while Lenny accidentally hugged little animals to death, Thor had a penchant for beating the shit out of them with his war hammer, Mjolnir.

~ Dylan Callens

Disguised in a handlebar mustache with a ten gallon hat hanging low against his brow, Loki moseyed into Odin's party, despite the fact that he wasn't invited. Being dressed like Juan Valdez in a room full of people dawning Viking braids and pointy horned hats, however, tended to call attention to oneself. Odin's wife, Frigg, noticed Loki the moment that he stepped through the door, “What the Hel are you doing here? You weren't invited.

~ Dylan Callens

But to understand English is one thing, to understand an Englishman who talks is another.

~ Aleister Crowley

This Henry lived in Edinburgh, making him inaccessible and giving her something to do on the weekends — 'Oh, just flying up to Scotland, Henry's taking me fishing,' which is the kind of thing she imagined people doing in Scotland — she always thought of the Queen Mother, incongruous in mackintosh and waders, standing in the middle of a shallow brown river (somewhere on the outskirts of Brigadoon, no doubt) and casting a line for trout.

~ Kate Atkinson

Ernst was still in the Eastern Zone, about ninety kilometres from Berlin, when the truck emerged so inexplicably out of nowhere that it seemed to have been created by the rain itself.

~ Mordecai Richler