How can it not exist? What does that—” A tiny grey body shot in front of the Land Rover. “Squirrel!”Mad Rogan swerved to the side, trying to avoid the suicidal beast. The SUV hit a curb and jumped. For a terrifying second, we almost flew, weightless. My heart leaped into my throat. The heavy vehicle landed back on the pavement with a thud. The squirrel leapt into the grass on the other side.I remembered to breathe. “Thank you for not killing the squirrel.”“You’re welcome, although now I want to go back and strangle it.

~ Ilona Andrews

Ilona Andrews Funny Mad Rogan Nevada Baylor Squirrel

Hesitantly, I touched the stump where my finger used to be. In my mind, something almost remembered itself, but the fumes of turpentine were making me a little lightheaded; whatever memory was on the verge of coughing itself up was gone even before it materialized. Out the window, I could see a squirrel was stumbling erratically around in circles underneath the old basketball net. Then I realized that it wasn't a squirrel; it was a brown paper bag.

~ Dan Chaon

Dan Chaon Finger Memory Squirrel

Have you ever had one of those moments when the world around you comes to a crashing halt? When your heart beats so loudly that it drowns out every other sound? When the universe collapses to a single, solitary, radiant point of energy? This was one of those moments for me. The last time I heard the name Sandra Flax, Clinton was still screwing that ugly chick from Arkansas. The squirrel cocked his head to the side. Not Hillary, the other one, before the chubby kid. The squirrel still looked confused. Fine! It was 1989. Anyway, the sound of Sandra's name sent shivers down my spine and reawakened a hatred so venomous, at one time I thought it would be my undoing.

~ Blayne Cooper

Blayne Cooper Hate Humor Squirrel Venom

My author role model is Kurata Misako. I want to be rich enough to drive from room to room in my home but also down to earth enough to let squirrels live in my hair.

~ Christy Leigh Stewart

Christy Leigh Stewart Author Kurata Misako Role Model Role Models Squirrel

Kaylee giggled as he tunneled up inside her sleeve.Out popped his head for a quick look, then he took leave.He enjoyed scaling up, down and around her shirt.What a sweet, funny and adorable flirt.

~ Melinda K. Trotter

Melinda K. Trotter Animals Children S Picture Books Humor Pets Picture Books Rhyme Squirrel Squirrels Wildlife

I had a dream about you last night... in it, I tried to sell a squirrel a deposit box to store his nuts in. He stole my cashews in the complimentary snack basket.

~ Marshall Ramsay

Marshall Ramsay Basket Compliment Dreaming Dreams Humor Nuts Sell Selling Snack Snack Basket Squirrel Steal Store Thief

Humanity appreciates truth about as much as a squirrel appreciates silver.

~ Vernon Howard

Vernon Howard Humanity Squirrel Silver

My dad liked to boil a squirrel head and suck the brains out the nose. Smaller than a chicken, bigger than a rat.

~ Beth Ditto

Beth Ditto Head Chicken Squirrel