Ilona Andrews Quotes

I’d missed him so much, it almost hurt. It started the moment I left the Keep and nagged at me all day. Every day I had to fight with myself to keep from making up bullshit reasons to call the Keep so I could hear his voice. My only saving grace was that Curran wasn’t handling this whole mating thing any better. Yesterday he’d called me at the office claiming that he couldn’t find his socks. We talked for two hours.

~ Ilona Andrews

you might want to decide fast. We live in a dangerous world. If you see a chance to be happy, you have to fight for it, so later you have no regrets.

~ Ilona Andrews

Curran looked back at me. Why is it you always attract creeps?You tell me. Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did.

~ Ilona Andrews

I can't give you the white picket fence, and if I did, you'd set it on fire.

~ Ilona Andrews

It's a reflex. Hear a bell, get food. See an undead, throw a knife. Same thing, really.

~ Ilona Andrews

Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room.

~ Ilona Andrews

It seems that the young woman made some indelicate suggestion of a threesome...When I got there, Miss Nash was standing by the hot tub in a small bikini, pointing the business end of a SIG-Sauer P-226 at her fella and concerned members of the hotel staff, while dunking the scantily clad female's head under the water and asking, Who's diving for clams now, bitch?

~ Ilona Andrews

Just wait until he figures out I shut him out of his slut hut.

~ Ilona Andrews

I gave him my best cryptic smile. He did not fall down to his feet, kiss my shoes, and promise me the world. I must be getting rusty.

~ Ilona Andrews

I've never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari—I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful.

~ Ilona Andrews

I ripped my left arm out of his hand and slammed my elbow into his solar plexus. He exhaled in a gasp. I lunged for the dagger and sat on top of him, my knees pinning his arms, my dagger on his throat.He lay still. “I give up,” he said and smiled. “Your move.”Er. I was sitting atop the Beast Lord in my underwear, holding a knife to his throat. What the hell was my next move?

~ Ilona Andrews

I came to the table, pulled up a chair, and sat. “Everyone brought a pet. I feel left out.” An enthusiastic howl broke the silence, and Grendel bounded through the doorway. He galloped through the steak house, skidded on the floor, smashed into my chair, and dropped a dead rat on my lap. Awesome.

~ Ilona Andrews

Georgie, stop trying to resurrect the shoes. They were never alive in the first place.

~ Ilona Andrews

What's that?That's my attack poodle.

~ Ilona Andrews

Because he has the best equipment in the City and he knows how to use it!

~ Ilona Andrews

It took a qualified wizard to detect a summoning in progress. It required only a half-literate idiot with a twitch of power and a dim idea of how to use it to attempt one. Before you knew it, a three-headed Slavonic god was wreaking havoc in downtown Atlanta, the skies were raining winged snakes, and SWAT was screaming for more ammo.

~ Ilona Andrews

It's awful to be rich and mind-boggingly handsome and have women fawn over you. My heart bleeds for you. Poor dear, how do you manage?

~ Ilona Andrews

Everybody has something, that one thing they must do to feel happy. I think this is yours, and I want you to be happy. You don’t have to do it, but it’s here if you choose to come back to it.

~ Ilona Andrews

He’d spent the night in the boat. Next to the spaghetti queen.William glanced at the hobo girl. She sat across from him, huddled in a clump. Her stench had gotten worse overnight, probably from the dampness. Another night like the last one, and he might snap and dunk her into that river just to clear the air.She saw him looking. Dark eyes regarded him with slight scorn.William leaned forward and pointed at the river. “I don’t know why you rolled in spaghetti sauce,” he said in a confidential voice. “I don’t really care. But that water over there won’t hurt you. Try washing it off.”She stuck her tongue out.“Maybe after you’re clean,” he said.Her eyes widened. She stared at him for a long moment. A little crazy spark lit up in her dark irises. She raised her finger, licked it, and rubbed some dirt off her forehead.Now what?The girl showed him her stained finger and reached toward him slowly, aiming for his face.“No,” William said. “Bad hobo.”The finger kept coming closer.

~ Ilona Andrews

She surveyed the carnage behind him. Did you have fun?He showed her his teeth. Yes.

~ Ilona Andrews

I once took a city with five men and a lame goat. If I can do that, you can convince the necromancers to pledge themselves to you. Do this or die.

~ Ilona Andrews

Jack didn’t fully get Jesus. Audrey tried to explain it, and he could repeat it back to her, word for word, but he still didn’t comprehend most of it. The best he could gather was that Jesus lived long ago, told people to be nice, and they killed him for it. At the end, he asked who was Jesus’ necromancer and if he was in the Bible, then Kaldar couldn’t stop laughing and had to sit down.

~ Ilona Andrews

...sometimes what you go looking for isn't as important as what you leave behind.

~ Ilona Andrews

She crouched with her hand out. What the hell was she doing… Here, kitty, kitty, kitty. Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim.

~ Ilona Andrews

Did those nice church ladies come by again? He nodded. I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else.

~ Ilona Andrews

You will not pass!” Roman thundered.Great. Now he had decided he was Gandalf.

~ Ilona Andrews

Would you like to borrow a pair of my panties to wave around at the next Council meeting to get the point across?”His eyes flashed. “Got any to spare?” I could’ve picked somebody rational. But no, I had to fall in love with this arrogant idiot. Come to the Keep with me, be my princess. Mourn me when your crazy dad kills me. Yeah, right.

~ Ilona Andrews

Kate's Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy.

~ Ilona Andrews

She handed him a glass of water and two Aleve gelcaps. “They’re anti-inflammatories. They will dull the pain a little bit and keep down swelling and redness. Swallow the pills, don’t chew.”“Well, I thought I’d stick them into my nose and impersonate a walrus, but if you insist, I’ll swallow them.

~ Ilona Andrews

When in doubt, poke the beehive with a stick to see if anything interesting flies out.I clapped my hands. 'I had no idea Pit teams had such pretty cheerleaders. Can you do it again, but with more spirit this time?

~ Ilona Andrews

Minutes passed by. A little blue butterfly landed on my nose. I blinked at it and it fluttered to my ear. A big yellow butterfly gently floated over and landed on my paw. Soon a whole swarm of them floated up and down around me, like a swirl of multicolored petals. It happened in my backyard, too, if the magic was strong enough. Butterflies were small and light, and very magic sensitive. For some reason I made them feel safe and they gravitated to me like iron shavings to a magnet. They ruined my ferocious badass image, but you’d have to be a complete beast to swat butterflies.If a baby deer frolicked out from between the buildings trying to cuddle up, I would roar. I wouldn’t bite it, but I would roar. I had my limits.

~ Ilona Andrews

He raised his hand in a peaceful gesture. You need to relax a bit, dove. Like Mouse over there. You trust me, don't you, Mouse?Nope!Ahhh, I'm hurt. Nobody likes me.

~ Ilona Andrews

Just stay close to us. If we get in trouble, we'll kill everything.

~ Ilona Andrews

He had the prettiest hair she had ever seen on a man: dark brown, almost black, and soft like sable, it fell down to his shoulders. She wondered what he'd do if she threw some mud in it. Probably kill her.

~ Ilona Andrews

Kid 1: *examining my gorgeous strawberry and blueberry pies*: Wow, Mom, your pies don’t look awful this time.Me (Ilona): ...~A little later~Kid 2: *wandering into the kitchen*Kid 1: Hey, you’ve got to see these pies. *opening the stove*Kid 2: Wow. They are not ugly this time.Kid 1: I know, right?

~ Ilona Andrews

Did I hurt you in the parking lot?No, m'lady. I fell, so I could put a tracker on your car.Great.

~ Ilona Andrews

At the door, Audrey called, Are you coming?No, just breathing hard, love. He glanced at her and was rewarded by an outraged glare, followed by, Oh, my God!

~ Ilona Andrews

This doesn't mean you're getting a discount.Audrey heaved a mock sigh. Oh well. I guess I'll have to ply you with sexual favors, then.Gnome choked on the soup. I'm old enough to be your grandfather!Audrey winked at him, gathering the empty bags. But you're not.

~ Ilona Andrews

The only way to make sure that the Hand didn't get to you would have been to kill your brother. I could've done it, but I didn't. I just gave him some drugs.You gave an addict in rehab drugs, and you want credit for it?Of course it sounds bad when you put it that way.

~ Ilona Andrews

Audrey turned to him, a sly little spark hiding in her eyes. THe only man who gets to call me'love' would be waking up next to me after a very, very fun n

~ Ilona Andrews