Jon Stewart said this quote

“ I have some bad news. Bjork cannot be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her. ”

Famous Quotes of Jon Stewart

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Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

~ Jon Stewart

Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe -- dare I dream it? -- maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively.

~ Jon Stewart

You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.

~ Jon Stewart

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

~ Jon Stewart