Billy Connolly Quotes

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.

~ Billy Connolly

Marriage is a wonderful invention, but then again so is a bicycle repair kit.

~ Billy Connolly

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever becoming one.”Don't vote. It just encourages them....

~ Billy Connolly

Oh, I can picture myself rattling along Route 66 on that thing, headphones on, singing along to ZZ Top's 'Sharp Dressed Man' or the opening line from 'Born to be Wild' by Steppenwolf - 'Get your motor running...' The trike brings out that in all of us, which is no bad thing. Forget Viagra, get yourself a trike!

~ Billy Connolly

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

~ Billy Connolly

If you give people a chance, they shine.

~ Billy Connolly

When people say it's always the last place you look. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?

~ Billy Connolly

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.

~ Billy Connolly

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.

~ Billy Connolly

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.

~ Billy Connolly

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

~ Billy Connolly

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

~ Billy Connolly

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

~ Billy Connolly

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

~ Billy Connolly

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

~ Billy Connolly

Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding's a mystery to me now. You can't go back, your life changes every day.

~ Billy Connolly