Humorous Quotes

If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.

~ Mo Willems

Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts.

~ Will Cuppy

Breeze strolled over to the table and chose a seat with his characteristic decorum. The portly man raised his dueling cane, pointing it at Ham. 'I see that my period of intellectual respite has come to an end.'Ham smiled. 'I thought up a couple beastly questions while I was gone, and I've been saving them just for you, Breeze.''I'm dying of anticipation,' Breeze said. He turned his cane toward Lestibournes. 'Spook, drink.'Spook rushed over and fetched Breeze a cup of wine.'He's such a fine lad,' Breeze noted, accepting the drink. 'I barely even have to nudge him Allomantically. If only the rest of you ruffians were so accommodating.'Spook frowned. 'Niceing the not on the playing without.''I have no idea what you just said, child,' Breeze said. 'So I'm simply going to pretend it was coherent, then move on.'Kelsier rolled his eyes. 'Losing the stress on the nip,' he said. 'Notting without the needing of care.''Riding the rile of the rids to the right,' Spook said with a nod.'What are you two babbling about?' Breeze said testily.'Wasing the was of brightness,' Spook said. 'Nip the having of wishing of this.''Ever wasing the doing of this,' Kelsier agreed.'Ever wasing the wish of having the have,' Ham added with a smile. 'Brighting the wish of wasing the not.'Breeze turned to Dockson with exasperation. 'I believe our companions have finally lost their minds, dear friend.'Dockson shrugged. Then, with a perfectly straight face, he said, 'Wasing not of wasing is.

~ Brandon Sanderson

I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.

~ Edward Verrall Lucas

I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.

~ Derek Landy

Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.

~ Lili St. Crow

Plans are invitation to disappointment.

~ Derek Landy

Corrival looked around. 'So is this it? Is everyone here? Erskine, maybe you should start the ball rolling. I have places to go and things to do.''Me?' Ravel asked. 'Why do I have to start it? You're the most respected mage here. You start it, or Skulduggery.'Skulduggery shook his head. 'I can't start it. I don't like most of these people. I might start shooting.

~ Derek Landy

You're under arrest for multiple counts of murder. You have the right to not much at all, really. Do you have anything to say in your defense?

~ Derek Landy

The joke was that President Bush only declared war when Starbucks was hit. You can mess with the U.N. all you want, but when you start interfering with the right to get caffeinated, someone has to pay.

~ Chris Kyle

The better organized the state, the duller its humanity.

~ David Mitchell

How initially 'to get her in the sack' and subsequently to avoid 'her giving you the sack' are not identical dilemmas faced by the male species, but they sure have a bizarre habit of being bedfellows

~ Alex Morritt

A bride never forgets her wedding ornaments, why should we forsake our heavenly Father, the bridegroom?

~ Lailah Gifty Akita

To some believers, being on the pill or using a condom is a nonverbal way of telling God to go to hell.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

It goes without saying that even those of us who are going to hell will get eternal life—if that territory really exists outside religious books and the minds of believers, that is. Having said that, given the choice, instead of being grilled until hell freezes over, the average sane human being would, needless to say, rather spend forever idling in an extremely fertile garden, next to a lamb or a chicken or a parrot, which they do not secretly want to eat, and a lion or a tiger or a crocodile, which does not secretly want to eat them.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Be generous with your smile and try not to frown.And you will see my children, your smile will never let you down ☺

~ Benny Bellamacina

Among other possibilities, money was invented to make it possible for a foolish man to control wise men; a weak man, strong men; a child, old men; an ignorant man, knowledgeable men; and for a dwarf to control giants.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Wise men don't feel companionless when they are not in the company of their egos.

~ Delian Zahariev

You got it all wrong in your way of thinking.

~ Lailah Gifty Akita

The Truth burns the heart like a hammer breaking a rock.

~ Lailah Gifty Akita

Being rich or famous is the only profound thing that some people have ever said.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Quest assignments are never wrong.

~ Page Wisher

My boy, many people know many things. But the things we think we know of others can only become what is known if the others choose to do the doing of making what we think we know known.

~ Page Wisher

#NAME?

~ Irina Binder

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.

~ Carroll Bryant

For a sane person to sincerely be happy that someone has succeeded, they have to either be profiting or likely to profit from that person’s success, or be that person.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

LIFE - Death's Very Emissary

~ Abhysheq Shukla

Everybody needs to be good-natured with a good heart, because in this way we can solve our own problems as well as those of others, and we can make our human life meaningful.

~ Abhysheq Shukla

We do not recognize that we are addicted to some negative psychological habit, some terribly self-destructive patterns of thinking...

~ Abhysheq Shukla

We are living a fantasy life in our heads, and our real life is passing by, moment by moment.Life is only lived in moments: anything else is a fantasy, a lie, an illusion.

~ Abhysheq Shukla

Karma is a balance sheet of life which debits and credit all your deeds.YourWhich is audited by our creator and actions are based on what we accumulated in it.

~ Abhysheq Shukla

Karma is the balance sheet of life which debits and credit all your deeds.YourWhich is audited by our creator and actions are based on what we accumulated in it.

~ Abhysheq Shukla

We create karma by all kinds of selfish actions.The first thing we must understand is that we are psychologically asleep.It is very difficult for us to be conscious of ourselves. We are not very aware. We must come to recognize that we do not pay attention.

~ Abhysheq Shukla

Self-observation is simply the observation of an internal state and an external event. It is pure awareness, which gives one the ability to choose one's actions. Only by having the choice can one perform what is right.

~ Abhysheq Shukla

Desires and Karma are the worst enemies living in the same soul together. It depends on us whom we choose and feed.

~ Abhysheq Shukla

Love wins when reflections win over reflexes.

~ Abhysheq Shukla

In the end, you will realize most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly.

~ Abhysheq Shukla

Every person has his secret; in reverie, unbeknown to others, he finds peace, freedom, sorrow and love.

~ Abhysheq Shukla

I'm infatuated with you, I cannot deny it. Physically speaking, you're a very attractive man. But I don't like you, the vast majority of the time. So far as I can gather, you behave abominably in public and are only marginally better in private. I only find you remotely tolerable when you're kissing me.

~ Tessa Dare

Just tell him to keep his hands to himself and his python in his pants.

~ Evangeline Anderson

Humorous quote from classy quote