Funny But True Quotes

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

~ Criss Jami

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.

~ Criss Jami

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.' But eating too many, is quite enough-plenty. And you'll have to go see the good doc anyway.

~ Solange Nicole

With a philosophy education, one can infuriate his peers, intimidate his date, think of obscure, unreliable ways to make money, and never regret a thing.

~ Criss Jami

To be a philosopher, just reverse everything you have ever been told...and have a sense of humor doing it.

~ Criss Jami

Tolerance! The virtue that makes one bite his tongue so that he can tear out his hair.

~ Criss Jami

Flattery does not encourage the perfect flow of love in the vein of your relationship. Be genuine and speak out what you feel for each other without hiding the painful truth.

~ Michael Bassey Johnson

I never feel unsafe except for when the majority is on my side.

~ Criss Jami

Little people make tall claims. As being this-that avatar or messiah. Some even say they're God. Well, if they are, I'm their grand-pop.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Just like you silly bums, I have a personal sky god. I bow to him, as you do to your airy-fairy sod. He prefers I call him Mr. NOT.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Wise men don't feel companionless when they are not in the company of their egos.

~ Delian Zahariev

Life gave me lemons, then I met you and you had Vodka. Now my life is a party.

~ Anmol Gandhi

Respect? Of course, always, to all, because everything seems funnier when you're trying to show respect.

~ Criss Jami

While she could hardly fathom what had just happened to her that night, she reached some conclusions before she fell asleep, certain things now made perfect sense; Moon River didn’t sound so syrupy, mistletoe wasn’t such a bad idea, and perhaps dating was not such a frivolous waste of time after all.

~ E.a. Bucchianeri

There is a certain delightful sort of hope which the introvert can receive only by having company over...the hope that they will leave soon.

~ Criss Jami

If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?

~ George Carlin

Google, Facebook helps people than people helps people, in today's world

~ Jeevagan Nagarajan

Pride is pride not because it hates being wrong, but because it loves being wrong: To hate being wrong is to change your opinion when you are proven wrong; whereas pride, even when proven wrong, decides to go on being wrong.

~ Criss Jami

Pure wisdom is the 'fruit of life' banal platitudes are the 'bane of existence'.

~ Criss Jami

How easy it is for so many of us today to be undoubtedly full of information yet fully deprived of accurate information.

~ Criss Jami

The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you.

~ Criss Jami

We men are fascinated by the things we don't really understand. It gives us something to think and talk about: like females, they drive us nuts.

~ Criss Jami

It's probably not easy for a woman to understand what it's like to be a man. Imagine you're starving, and someone puts a huge buffet in front of you. There's delicious, mouth-watering food all around you, and it's really really hard not to eat it all. That's what it's like to be a man around attractive women. The urge to want to hump everything that moves is part of a man's natural programming. It's a deep-seated hunger. To suppress that hunger takes civilization and a lot of willpower.

~ Oliver Markus

All humans are rogues. Cured only by death.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Don't worry. Life goes on. With or without you. So, live it, while it's given you.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Do not believe in a god who is as silly, and meaner than you. For, that would surely be your higher-self, and your stupid alter-ego.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Don't, but if at all, then, lie to the whole damn world - never to your own damn, silly stupid self.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke.

~ Carroll Bryant

I feel as though whenever I create something, my Mr. Hyde wakes up in the middle of the night and starts thrashing it. I sometimes love it the next morning, but other times it is an abomination.

~ Criss Jami

If I were to vote, I would intentionally vote for the goofiest candidate. It is my theory that when the people can outwit the leader, the more respected their voices will be.

~ Criss Jami

Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.

~ Carroll Bryant

Psychobabble attempts to redefine the entire English language just to make a correct statement incorrect. Psychology is the study of why someone would try to do this.

~ Criss Jami

The logic behind patriotism is a mystery. At least a man who believes that his own family or clan is superior to all others is familiar with more than 0.000003% of the people involved.

~ Criss Jami

I am not sure if women are attracted to genius. Can you imagine the wise wizard winning the woman over the gallant swordsman? It seems rather otherworldly in more ways than one.

~ Criss Jami

Whenever you feel like feeling like a devil's advocate, Bible-thump. That, in a worldly world, is the great irony and satire of evangelism.

~ Criss Jami

American girls shivered and quivered at the Aussie accent whispered against their bodies.

~ Cristin Harber

Chocolate cake and a diamond ring? In bed with the man of my dreams?

~ Cristin Harber

They say the crazies come out at night. I say the crazies come out during election year: Elections have the power to turn once seemingly normal people into certified loonies.

~ Criss Jami

What you're experiencing isn't a dry spell. It's a dust bowl. Tell me, do you find cob webs in there every time you get yourself off?

~ Parker S. Huntington

April Fools' is the only day to take people seriously.

~ Criss Jami