Ironic Quotes

Two wrongs don't make a right, but don't three lefts make a right? Two wrongs don't make a right, but don't two negatives make a positive?

~ Andrew Clements

And a beautiful world we live in, when it is possible, and when many other such things are possible, and not only possible, but done-- done, see you!-- under that sky there, every day.

~ Charles Dickens

What is your advice to young writers?” “Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes.

~ Charles Bukowski

The most dangerous irony is, people are angry with others because of their own incompetence.

~ Amit Kalantri

It was the essence of life to disbelieve in death for one's self, to act as if life would continue forever. And life had to act also as if little issues were big ones. To take a realistic attitude toward life and death meant that one lapsed into unreality. Into insanity. It was ironic that the only way to keep one's sanity was to ignore that one was in an insane world or to act as if the world were sane.

~ Philip José Farmer

Famine sometimes increases the number of people who are overweight.

~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

They would sweep their poverty under the carpet if only they had one.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

sometimes when everything seems atits worstwhen all conspiresand gnawsand the hours, days, weeksyearsseem wasted – stretched there upon my bedin the darklooking upward at the ceilingi get what many will consider anobnoxious thought:it’s still nice to beBukowski.

~ Charles Bukowski

Pure wisdom is the 'fruit of life' banal platitudes are the 'bane of existence'.

~ Criss Jami

I'm bad and I'm going to hell, and I don't care. I'd rather be in hell than anywhere where you are.

~ William Faulkner

If anything attacked us, we could just panic at it until it went away.

~ Seanan Mcguire

-He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful.-It was stupid.

~ Lloyd Alexander

And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first!

~ Susan Kay

I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.

~ Demetri Martin

We were talking about the prince,' Sansa said, her voice soft as a kiss.Arya knew which prince she meant: Joffrey, of course. The tall, handsome one. Sansa got to sit with him at the feast. Arya had to sit with the little fat one. Naturally.

~ George R.r. Martin

People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.

~ Terry Pratchett

A new baby! Why, Scarlett, this is a surprise!” he laughed, leaning down to push the blanket away from Ella Lorena's small ugly face. - Rhett Butler

~ Margaret Mitchell

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.

~ Terry Pratchett

...it’s just another one of those things I don’t understand: everyone impresses upon you how unique you are, encouraging you to cultivate your individuality while at the same time trying to squish you and everyone else into the same ridiculous mould. It’s an artist’s right to rebel against the world’s stupidity.

~ E.a. Bucchianeri

(About sweeping)....What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends.

~ Terry Pratchett

Morale was deteriorating and it was all Yossarian's fault. The country was in peril, he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.

~ Joseph Heller

Before I only wanted to change the world. I still want that, but it was ironic how I never wanted to change myself. Yet that's where revolutions start! And it's the only way revolutions can continue, if we keep looking inward, looking at how others might see us. That's what happened when I met Sofia. I saw myself the way she saw me.

~ Viet Thanh Nguyen

There is this common notion that young conservatives are the few, that most people had liberal worldviews when they were young. If this is true, then it is with great irony that a number of old liberals must never had progressed into conservatives as they grew older.

~ Criss Jami

He stirred my soul in the most subtle way and the story between us wrote itself.

~ Nikki Rowe

No one plows the field just by thinking about it.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

If you want to know how negative you are, pay attention to how much you hate negativity in other people. Fragile, artificial positivity needs always to be surrounded by more positivity in order to stay positive, but the ability to be positive, happy, and even, at times, appreciative around 'negative people' is the mark of real positivity.

~ Criss Jami

There ain't no devil, only God when he's drunk.

~ Tom Waits

The more power you have, the less you can truly say. That’s the irony.

~ Michael Soll

This world made by humans for themselves is most unfriendly towards humans. What irony.

~ Pooja Perumal

I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and could you pull a few weeds while you're here?

~ Ryan Lilly

Fiction described reality better than non-fiction.

~ Tommy Wallach

Dream big!But not so big that it becomes a mess, and you may never reach reality.

~ Hasil Paudyal

I don't understand this irony - valuable things like cars, gold, diamond are made up of hard materials but most valuable things like money, contracts and books are made up of soft paper.

~ Amit Kalantri

We were young, she continued, while she had a bad heart. Did we not want to earn our tips, she asked us and, cowed, we refrained from introducing the subject again.Her bad heart, I noticed, did not force her to abstain from smoking, or from eating large portions of puddings. Every time I heard her opening how she could not carry anything heavy, I thought sourly except yourself.

~ Toni Maguire

They thought more before nine a.m. than most people thought all month. I remember once declining cherry pie at dinner, and Rand cocked his head and said, 'Ahh! Iconoclast. Disdains the easy, symbolic patriotism.' And when I tried to laugh it off and said, well, I didn't like cherry cobbler either, Marybeth touched Rand's arm: 'Because of the divorce. All those comfort foods, the desserts a family eats together, those are just bad memories for Nick.' It was silly but incredibly sweet, these people spending so much energy trying to figure me out. The answer: I don't like cherries.

~ Gillian Flynn

The irony of life is a twisted game; but my god you learn fast, the ins and outs of how to play your part the best you can.

~ Nikki Rowe

The irony of sensory deprivation tanks is that in order to think outside the box, you must first go inside one.

~ Ryan Lilly

I always found it so ironic, how the people from the past would do anything to see what happened everywhere else in the world that they lost so much of their own life watching this little screen.

~ Silje Jensen

The best advice anyone has ever given me, was to never take advice from anyone.

~ J.r. Rim

Isn't it ironic that a nightmare can masquerade as a dream?

~ Ken Poirot