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GPS has saved countless relationships because us men do not like to ask for directions. Now if women could only come with relationship GPS we would be one step closer to world peace.

~ Ken Poirot

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You’re gorgeous. You’re sexy. You’re … asking me to cut that dress off you? I’m praying for strength.

~ Cristin Harber

Cristin Harber Alpha Male Funny Funny Quote Funny Romance Romance Romance Novel Romantic Suspense

A professional headshot in front of a bookshelf says you're an intellectual. A professional headshot peeking though a bookshelf says you're probably under a restraining order.

~ Ryan Lilly

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The world’s most lethal venom is not found on the tongues of serpents, but on the tongues of a disgruntled wife.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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An inch to a man’s heart is a mile to his wallet.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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Get high on love, not drugs.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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Love is my favorite drug, I overdose on it regularly.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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Your wife is smarter than you; know this, and you will live happily ever after.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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Falling in love with someone is intentional, even if it was their looks that tripped you.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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There is nothing wrong with being a puppet if love is the one pulling the strings.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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Love turns men into boys, heartache turns boys into men.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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The easiest way to remember your future wife’s birthday is to marry her on Super Bowl Sunday.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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If men could be bought like clothes at an outlet, only then would women always get what they bargained for.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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Money can't buy love, except on Valentine’s Day.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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The only time I hold my wife's hand tightly is when my wallet is in her other hand.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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Women are the best thieves you will ever meet; they steal your heart and your last name, but never get to spend the night in jail.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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O woman, father says natural is beautifulso why do you redden your cheeks and blacken your eyes?Why do you remove the hair on your legsand draw them into your brows?Why do you hold your breathlest your stomach showand hold your fartlest they knowthat you’re a human? O woman, father says natural is beautifulso why do you straighten your hairto curl it nextand pretend to orgasm so they think you enjoyed the sex?Why do you dumb yourself downand push your breasts up?Why do you smile when you’re told toand love when you don’t want to?When? When will you stop, woman? Father says natural is beautifulbut that is doubtfulfor what does father knowhe’s only a fellow.

~ Kamand Kojouri

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Life is a circle. It spins you around.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

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I will take all my rights! Can you deliver them to my house?

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

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I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and could you pull a few weeds while you're here?

~ Ryan Lilly

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An angry wife can be more frightening than an army of disgruntled soldiers.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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I am in the prime of my womanhood, nunga-nungas poised and trembling (attractively). Lips puckered up and in peak condition for a snogging fest.

~ Louise Rennison

Louise Rennison Funny Quote Humorous

I glance at him. He's looking at me, his expression every bit as expectant as I feel. I hate this little game of ours. Maybe because I'm no good at it. He won't tell me more unless I ask. Curiosity is one of my most incurable flaws--and Galen kno

~ Anna Banks

Anna Banks Fun Quote Funny Quote Humorous Make Me Laugh Silly Quotes

I wonder why some people find it very difficult to follow God. Perhaps, they are waiting for Him to join a social network before they could start to follow Him.

~ Hafiz

Hafiz Edmond Mbiaka Follow God Following God Following His Word Funny Quote God Humor Humorous Lord Social Media Social Network

Wisdom of the Ages: Brian Williams This guy gets around more than Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys, but this time, I think he's gone too far. Unfortunately, I can't put a cover of my book My Year in Oman with Mr. Williams' picture on the cover.

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Funny But True Funny Quote Humorist Humorous Humorous Quotes

Trust me, there are things in this mountain that will make your jaw bounce off the floor.

~ Jaleigh Johnson

Jaleigh Johnson Adventure Funny Quote Kidlit Middle Grade Mountains School Life School Story Science Fiction Scifi Steampunk Surprise

I love to laugh. Specially at myself. Sometimes I spend hours doing it.

~ Nuno Roque

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Wisdom of the Ages: Humility If you don't have it, you're gonna get it.

~ Matthew Heines

Matthew Heines Funny But True Funny Quote Funny Quotes Humility Humor Quotes Humorist Humorous Quotations Humorous Quotes

Boys are raw materials that women manufacture into products called men.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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I’m much more than a writer – I’m someone who puts different words together in an interesting way.

~ Carla H. Krueger

Carla H. Krueger Author Quote Carla H Krueger Comedy Quote Funny Quote Writing Life

When I write, it feels like there are two little creatures that sit on each of my shoulders. One whispers, You can do this. You've got what it takes. The other sounds like my mother-in-law.

~ Carla H. Krueger

Carla H. Krueger Confidence And Attitude Doubting Thomas Funny Quote Humor Humour Writing Conflict Writing Creative Process Writing Life Writing Process

Ask your wife for forgiveness, even when you’re right.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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Two things are infinite, a woman’s patience and her husband’s mistakes.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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The easiest way to be the prettiest girl at a party is to rig the guest list.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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Women make the world go round, men turn it upside down.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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Women are heavyweight boxers; only, they punch with words, not fists.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

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