Humor Quotations Quotes

The world’s most lethal venom is not found on the tongues of serpents, but on the tongues of a disgruntled wife.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

An inch to a man’s heart is a mile to his wallet.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Get high on love, not drugs.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Love is my favorite drug, I overdose on it regularly.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Your wife is smarter than you; know this, and you will live happily ever after.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Love came, it saw, and it conquered me.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Falling in love with someone is intentional, even if it was their looks that tripped you.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

There is nothing wrong with being a puppet if love is the one pulling the strings.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Love turns men into boys, heartache turns boys into men.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

The easiest way to remember your future wife’s birthday is to marry her on Super Bowl Sunday.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

If men could be bought like clothes at an outlet, only then would women always get what they bargained for.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

The only time I hold my wife's hand tightly is when my wallet is in her other hand.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Be calm on your wedding day; she won’t kill you in front of a hundred people, no matter what you've done.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Love is a hook; the moment a man swallows it, a woman knows she has him forever.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Women never stalk men, they just research them intensely.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Women are the best thieves you will ever meet; they steal your heart and your last name, but never get to spend the night in jail.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

A kiss is the only thing you can throw at someone without being held criminally responsible.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Men like to borrow kisses because they know they will have to pay them back.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

If you blame gravity for falling in love, even God has the right to laugh at you.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Diamonds are a girl's best friend until love introduces her to her soulmate.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

An angry wife can be more frightening than an army of disgruntled soldiers.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Boys are raw materials that women manufacture into products called men.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

A mother’s eyes are like God; impossible to get away from, they see everything.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Ask your wife for forgiveness, even when you’re right.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Two things are infinite, a woman’s patience and her husband’s mistakes.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

The easiest way to be the prettiest girl at a party is to rig the guest list.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Women make the world go round, men turn it upside down.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

My mother-in-law belongs in Hell, but the devil is afraid she’ll end up taking over.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too.

~ Matshona Dhliwayo