Terry Pratchett Quotes

And what would humans be without love?RARE, said Death.

~ Terry Pratchett

It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.

~ Terry Pratchett

If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.

~ Terry Pratchett

Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.

~ Terry Pratchett

The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.

~ Terry Pratchett

There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass! Who's been pinching my beer? And at the other end of the bar the world is full of the other type of person, who has a broken glass, or a glass that has been carelessly knocked over (usually by one of the people calling for a larger glass) or who had no glass at all, because he was at the back of the crowd and had failed to catch the barman's eye.

~ Terry Pratchett

If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.

~ Terry Pratchett

This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.

~ Terry Pratchett

YOU FEAR TO DIE?It's not that I don't want... I mean, I've always...it's just that life is a habit that's hard to break...

~ Terry Pratchett

Perhaps it would be simpler if you just did what you're told and didn't try to understand things.

~ Terry Pratchett

Progress just means bad things happen faster.

~ Terry Pratchett

I'd rather be a rising ape than a falling angel.

~ Terry Pratchett

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

~ Terry Pratchett

Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.

~ Terry Pratchett

Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.

~ Terry Pratchett

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.

~ Terry Pratchett

Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.

~ Terry Pratchett

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

~ Terry Pratchett

DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.

~ Terry Pratchett

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.

~ Terry Pratchett

No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know! the man yelled. Really? said Vimes. What's the orbital velocity of the moon?What?Oh, you'd like something simpler?

~ Terry Pratchett

He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower.

~ Terry Pratchett

Death: THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT.Albert: Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them.

~ Terry Pratchett

Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.

~ Terry Pratchett

The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they've found it.

~ Terry Pratchett

HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM. (Death)

~ Terry Pratchett

We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything.

~ Terry Pratchett

...inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.

~ Terry Pratchett

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

~ Terry Pratchett

Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?

~ Terry Pratchett

Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain his cover as a typical second-hand book seller, he used every means short of actual physical violence to prevent customers from making a purchase. Unpleasant damp smells, glowering looks, erratic opening hours - he was incredibly good at it.

~ Terry Pratchett

This book was written using 100% recycled words.

~ Terry Pratchett

The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

~ Terry Pratchett

In theory it was, around now, Literature. Susan hated Literature. She'd much prefer to read a good book.

~ Terry Pratchett

Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.

~ Terry Pratchett

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

~ Terry Pratchett

My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them.My dream holiday would be a) a ticket to Amsterdam b) immunity from prosecution and c) a baseball bat.

~ Terry Pratchett

Studies have shown that an ant can carry one hundred times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the lifting power of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant grandmother.

~ Terry Pratchett

The trouble is you can shut your eyes but you can’t shut your mind.

~ Terry Pratchett

Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them

~ Terry Pratchett