Terry Pratchett Quotes

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

~ Terry Pratchett

And then Jack chopped down what was the world's last beanstalk, adding murder and ecological terrorism to the theft, enticement, and trespass charges already mentioned, and all the giant's children didn't have a daddy anymore. But he got away with it and lived happily ever after, without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done...which proves that you can be excused for just about anything if you are a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions.

~ Terry Pratchett

I get it,' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?'If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?

~ Terry Pratchett

The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?

~ Terry Pratchett

What's a philosopher?' said Brutha.Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head.

~ Terry Pratchett

This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs.

~ Terry Pratchett

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

~ Terry Pratchett

You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.IT'S EDUCATIONAL.'What if she cuts herself?'THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.

~ Terry Pratchett

The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy but they were listening in gibberish.

~ Terry Pratchett

How can you protect yourself by carrying a sword if you don’t know how to use it?’Not me, sir. Other people. They see the sword and don’t attack me,’ said Maladict patiently.Yes, but if they did, lad, you wouldn’t be any good with it,’ said the sergeant.No, sir. I’d probably settle for just ripping their heads off, sir. That’s what I mean by protection, sir. Theirs, not mine. And I’d get hell from the League if I did that, sir.

~ Terry Pratchett

It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive.

~ Terry Pratchett

Granny was an old-fashioned witch. She didn’t do good for people, she did right by them.

~ Terry Pratchett

Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar.

~ Terry Pratchett

Every intelligent being, whether it breathes or not, coughs nervously at some time in its life.

~ Terry Pratchett

Juliet's version of cleanliness was next to godliness, which was to say it was erratic, past all understanding and was seldom seen.

~ Terry Pratchett

The sun rose slowly, as if it wasn't sure it was worth all the effort.

~ Terry Pratchett

Bursar?Yes, Archchancellor?You ain't a member of some secret society or somethin', are you?Me? No, Archchancellor.Then it'd be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head.

~ Terry Pratchett

I commend my soul to any god that can find it.

~ Terry Pratchett

An Assassin, a real Assassin, had to look like one - black clothes, hood, boots, and all. If they could wear any clothes, any disguise, then what could anyone do but spend all day in a small room with a loaded crossbow pointed at the door?

~ Terry Pratchett

I’m not superstitious. I’m a witch. Witches aren’t superstitious. We are what people are superstitious of.

~ Terry Pratchett

We are here and it is now. The way I see it is, after that, everything tends towards guesswork.

~ Terry Pratchett

The universe danced towards life. Life was a remarkably common commodity. Anything sufficiently complicated seemed to get cut in for some, in the same way that anything massive enough got a generous helping of gravity. The universe had a definite tendency towards awareness. This suggested a certain subtle cruelty woven into the very fabric of space-time.

~ Terry Pratchett

The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.

~ Terry Pratchett

A lie can run round the world before the truth has got its boots on.

~ Terry Pratchett

Truth! Freedom! Justice! And a hard-boiled egg!

~ Terry Pratchett

I should have learned this, she thought. I wanted to learn fire, and pain, but I should have learned people.

~ Terry Pratchett

When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they're getting worried that they won't like the truth.

~ Terry Pratchett

At such times the universe gets a little closer to us. They are strange times, times of beginnings and endings. Dangerous and powerful. And we feel it even if we don't know what it is. These times are not necessarily good, and not necessarily bad. In fact, what they are depends on what *we* are.

~ Terry Pratchett

WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEART OF MEN?The Death of Rats looked up from the feast of the potato. SQUEAK, he said.Death waved a hand dismissively. WELL, YES, OBVIOUSLY ME, he said. I JUST WONDERED IF THERE WAS ANYONE ELSE.

~ Terry Pratchett

Just because you can explain it doesn't mean it's not still a miracle.

~ Terry Pratchett

This was not the time to say “I don’t know.” The brothers had begging, hungry looks, like dogs waiting to be fed. They wanted an answer. It would be nice if it was the right answer, but if it couldn’t be, then any answer would do, because then we would stop being worried...and then his mind caught alight.That’s what the gods are! An answer that will do! Because there’s food to be caught and babies to be born and life to be lived and so there is no time for big, complicated, and worrying answers! Please give us a simple answer, so that we don’t have to think, because if we think, we might find answers that don’t fit the way we want the world to be.

~ Terry Pratchett

When in doubt, choose to live.

~ Terry Pratchett

In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of thecat, although in this case there were three determinate states the catcould be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.

~ Terry Pratchett

Wisdom is one of the few things that looks bigger the further away it is.

~ Terry Pratchett

And, as always happens, and happens far too soon, the strange and wonderful becomes a memory and a memory becomes a dream. Tomorrow it's gone.

~ Terry Pratchett

I wonder if it's like this for mountain climbers, he thought. You climb bigger and bigger mountains and you know that one day one of them is going to be just that bit too steep. But you go on doing it, because it’s so-o good when you breathe the air up there. And you know you'll die falling.

~ Terry Pratchett

No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away...

~ Terry Pratchett

Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.

~ Terry Pratchett

I DON'T HOLD WITH CRUELTY TO CATS.

~ Terry Pratchett

Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?

~ Terry Pratchett