Roommates Quotes

I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.

~ Demetri Martin

My maid never sweeps under the bed so I asked her to do so today. Found a pen, three pairs of shoes and the man I had lost two years ago.

~ Sanhita Baruah

His room was a sickly dual-tone of crimson and charcoal, like an Untitled Rothko, the colours bleeding into each other horribly and then rather serenely. The overall effect was overwhelmingly unapologetic but it grew on you like a wart on your nose you didn't realise it was a part of your identity until one day it simply was. His room was his identity. Fiercely bold, avant-garde but never monotonous. He was red, he was black, he was bored, and he was fire. At least to me he seemed like fire. A tornado of fire that burned all in its wake leaving only the wretched brightness of annihilation. His room was where he charmed and disarmed us. We were his playthings. Nobody plays with fire and leaves unscarred. The fire soon seeps into chard and soot. The colours of his soul, his aura, and probably his heart if he didn't stop smoking.

~ Moonshine Noire

Twice I'd come home as they were finishing, and, honestly, I cannot think of a lonelier sound on a Saturday night than one's roommate having a giant orgasm and then making an embarrassed sssh sound, realizing that maybe through her pleasure she'd heard the front door open and close.

~ Aimee Bender

He tilted my head up with his index finger. Tingles spread on my skin. Pain, obstacles, betrayal and all shitty things that happen in life shape everyone, just as much as good things do. Don't regret anything if in the end you can say you're an amazing woman.

~ Stephanie Witter

He nibbled on my lower lip again and pulled away, his breathing loud and labored. I opened my eyes and met two blue orbs so dark with desire that it almost made me lose all train of thought and strip naked. His lips were red and a little swollen from our kiss. And I'd be damned if I didn't want to nibble on his lower lip, too.

~ Stephanie Witter

When two men live together they usually maintain a kind of shabby neatness out of incipient rage at each other. Two men alone are constantly on the verge of fighting, and they know it.

~ John Steinbeck

How my heart missed beating like this. For him. Only for him.

~ Ella Maise

On and off the field, you're my hardest fall, Zoe. No one ever compared. No one ever will.

~ Ella Maise

Believe me, I knew you enjoyed it without voicing it that way. It was like your body screamed for me to take you. All too true, but I didn't like it to be told aloud. I arched an eyebrow, something I couldn't do when sober. I'm pretty sure if I put a hand on your crotch, you're sporting a boner. It works both ways.

~ Stephanie Witter

Don't see me as a girl. See me as a buddy of yours or something. He cast his eyes downward and didn't look back up to my face. I looked down and groaned. Such a guy. My buddies don't have boobs, as far as I know. Because you felt them up to be sure? I chuckled, against my better judgement. Once again, his mouth dropped open.

~ Stephanie Witter

Speaking of banging, when’s McSailor getting home?” Kirsten’s smirk was the size of Texas.Sophie had to smile. “Crude. You’re crude, roomie.

~ Jennifer Lane

A good roommate may be the single most important thing to have when one is away at school.

~ Barbara Dana

You're sure your new roommate won't be like the last one who wore tinfoil socks and had a tendency to occasionally urinate in the refrigerator. You're sure you'll pass Math 106 this time around. You're determined to actually join some clubs this year and not just sit around in your dorm eating spray cheese from a can and watching youtube videos about cats.

~ Patrick Rothfuss

He hadn’t said a word to me until we had been roommates for eight months. And even then it had only been, “You’re wearing my socks.

~ Melody J. Bremen