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Demetri Martin Quotes

Demetri Martin quote from classy quote

I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.

~ Demetri Martin

Demetri Martin Comedians Demetri Martin Funny Games Helping Others Humor Shot Video Games

I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.

~ Demetri Martin

Demetri Martin Comedian Comedy Demetri Martin Fly Funny Humor Ironic Roommates

THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the police sketch artist. This is one of the rare instances where two people can do one self-portrait.

~ Demetri Martin

Demetri Martin Demetri Martin Humour This Is A Book

It is illegal to yell “fire” in a crowded theater. If there is a fire, please yell something else instead, like “Flames!” or “Smoke maker!” or “Bad hot!

~ Demetri Martin

Demetri Martin Demetri Martin Humour This Is A Book

Like a lot of people, I’ve always enjoyed commenting on strangers’ outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do it with. And, let me tell you, commenting on people’s hilarious clothing choices through a megaphone makes it so much better.

~ Demetri Martin

Demetri Martin Demetri Martin Humour This Is A Book

REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.

~ Demetri Martin

Demetri Martin Demetri Martin Humour This Is A Book

Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.

~ Demetri Martin

Demetri Martin Demetri Martin Humour This Is A Book
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