Random Quotes

I'm unpredictable, I never know where I'm going until I get there, I'm so random, I'm always growing, learning, changing, I'm never the same person twice. But one thing you can be sure of about me; is I will always do exactly what I want to do.

~ C. Joybell C.

You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world!

~ James Dashner

But that was life: Nobody got a guided tour to their own theme park. You had to hop on the rides as they presented themselves, never knowing whether you would like the one you were in line for...or if the bastard was going to make you throw up your corn dog and your cotton candy all over the place.

~ J.r. Ward

The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.

~ Bauvard

I'm about as intimidating as a butterfly.

~ Dan Howell

A sequence of random events isn't really random at all. It's just made to look that way so it will ensnare the unwary.

~ Anthony T. Hincks

Shit, money, and the World, the three American truths, powering the American mobility, claimed the Slothrops, clasped them for good to the country's fate. But they did not prosper... about all they did was persist

~ Thomas Pynchon

The concept of randomness and coincidence will be obsolete when people can finally define a formulation of patterned interaction between all things within the universe.

~ Toba Beta

Sex parties, alcohol and drugs lost their appeal to Sven after a while. Music never did, in his continual search for that sober connection--intimacy with one person over a long period of time, as opposed to periods of intimacy with a bunch of random faces.

~ Jess C. Scott

Maybe love and pain are synonyms.

~ Vanshika Dhyani

The poem is like a monster, against which the critic does battle. There is only one way to conquer the monster: you must eat it, bones, blood, skin, pelt, and gristle. And even then the monster is not dead, for it lives in you, is assimilated into you, and you are different and somewhat monstrous yourself for having eaten it.

~ Unknown

Don't be indifferent about any random idea that occurs to you, because each and every idea is for a particular purpose. it may not be beneficial to you, but can be what others are craving for

~ Michael Bassey Johnson

Why?' He asked.'Why what?' What could I say? Noah, despite you being an asshole, or maybe because of it, I'd like to rip off your clothes and have your babies. Don't tell.

~ Michelle Hodkin

It was just my reality, to never have a boy be interested in me romantically for more than one random moment. Like a TV show you don't like but you end up watching anyway, because there's nothing else on.

~ Siobhan Vivian

Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM!

~ Rick Riordan

Stomp stomp. Whirr. Pleased to be of service.Shut up.Thank you.Stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp. Whirr. Thank you for making a simple door very happy.Hope your diodes rot.Thank you. Have a nice day.Stomp stomp stomp stomp. Whirr. It is my pleasure to open for you...Zark off....and my satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done.I said zark off.Thank you for listening to this message.

~ Douglas Adams

All of my best friends are dead people. Someday I've got to figure out how that happened.

~ Claudia Gray

Life would be a great deal easier if dead things had the decency to remain dead.

~ Doug Macleod

What do you want? Where's the goddamn ice I ordered? Where's the booze? There's a war on, man! People are being killed!

~ Hunter S. Thompson

My melon soulCrushed by your Gallagher of apathy

~ David Wong

At the very leadt, we can grab Monica and hustle her skanky ass back to her dad wile you brave, strong menfolk hold off the bad guys. Right?

~ Rachel Caine

Expired condoms are like nuclear waste: there's nothing sensible you can do with it.

~ Andrew Smith

Tried to escape, to block out the fact that I was being eaten alive by arachnids. For some reason the only thing I could replace it with was the image of being eaten by tiny clowns.

~ David Wong

Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about.

~ Ellen Degeneres

I never knew how much I missed pickles and pickle juice. It's like, an overwhelming feeling that I can't even explain.

~ Nicole Snooki Polizzi

don't make me throw my boot at you, because I will, you grumpy high testosterone driven male

~ Keisha Keenleyside

The world is full of unrequited love,' I said finally.'You and Patrick having problems?' Dad said, reaching around to get the butter out of the fridge.'No, I was just wondering what you would say if I was a lesbian.''Come again?' said Lester. 'I'm having a hard time following this conversation.

~ Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.

~ Ellen Degeneres

Jay lurched in one direction, jerked back, lurched in another, tripped for no reason. He finally made it through a gauntlet of invisible obstacles and crouched behind a water fountain shaped like a hippopotamous throwing up.

~ Adam Rex

When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line.

~ Nenia Campbell

You could carve out the inside of a brick and hide your money in it for safe keeping. It’s certainly safer than keeping it in the bank!

~ Nicole Mckay

Do we have a hand mirror?' I asked from the kitchen doorway.'Never use one,' said Lester, examining the date on a carton of sour cream.'Naturally, you're a male. What you see is what you've got,' I said resentfully.'Huh?' said Lester.

~ Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.

~ Diane Arbus

As it happens, I’m a terrible dancer. Bears are simply not made for dancing. We’re much better at sitting and sleeping and singing. But there are humans who catch bears and force us to dance. It’s agony. And there are other humans who pay to watch us.’Hannah sighed. ‘I suppose you’re right to distrust humans.’‘And that is why I must eat you,’ said the bear forlornly. ‘For the benefit of the entire bear population of the world. I’m awfully sorry about this.’‘That’s all right.’ Hannah shrugged her shoulders. ‘Is there any point in my trying to run away?’‘None. We bears may not be able to dance but we are experts when it comes to chasing things.’‘What if I climb a tree?’‘I’ll climb up after you, or push the tree over. It all depends on what sort of tree you choose to climb. Either way, you’ll end up eaten.’‘So be it,’ said Hannah. ‘How should I prepare myself?’‘I beg your pardon?’‘Will you eat me with my clothes on?’‘Of course. Otherwise it would be bad manners.

~ Doug Macleod

Not that I can think of. In fact, I have never met anyone who didn’t like gargoyles.

~ Shayla Orick

I'm out of the room in the next instant, like a man wanting breath, after suffocating through the horror of a burrito eating obese man's fart. - Emily Dolt

~ Nix Banner

I pat her on the head. Oh, naive little Kitten. Dear, foolish girl. This cookie is worth all this and more. Sit or you will not partake.

~ Jenny Han

I want gifts and Christmas music. I don’t care how many Draziri are out there. They won’t take Christmas from me.”“Yes, but we don’t have a suitable male,” Orro said. “And only one dog.”I looked at him.“What is this Christmas?” Wing asked.Orro turned from the stove. “It’s the rite of passage during which the young males of the human species learn to display aggression and use weapons.”Sean stopped what he was doing and looked at Orro.“The young men go out in small packs,” Orro continued. “They brave the cold and come into conflict with other packs and they have to prove their dominance through physical combat. Their fathers teach them lessons in the proper use of swear words, and the young men have to undergo tests of endurance, like holding soap in their mouths and licking cold metal objects.”Sean made a strangled noise.“At the end of their trials, they go to see a wise elder in a red suit to prove their worth. If they are judged worthy, the family erects a ceremonial tree and presents them with gifts of weapons.”Sean was clearly struggling, because his head was shaking.“Also,” Orro added, “a sacrificial poultry is prepared and then given to the wild animals, probably to appease the nature spirits.”Sean roared with laughter.

~ Ilona Andrews

One of the most curious consequences of quantum physics is that a particle like an electron can seemingly be in more than one place at the same time until it is observed, at which point there seems to be a random choice made about where the particle is really located. Scientists currently believe that this randomness is genuine, not just caused by a lack of information. Repeat the experiment under the same conditions and you may get a different answer each time.

~ Marcus Du Sautoy

A person does not have to be beautiful for you to find them beautiful. That's what love is all about.

~ Vanshika Dhyani