Sarcastic Humor Quotes

If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead.

~ Jess C. Scott

Walang matibay na relasyon kung buhay pa ang mga Kalapating mababa ang lipad...

~ Napz Cherub Pellazo

Women strive to be the change they want to see in the mirror.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

Christians rejected the need for proof to support belief in God, yet dismissed proof altogether when it was there.

~ Kira Peikoff

I’d venture to guess that a list of things you know nothing about could fill volumes.

~ Heidi Schulz

Politics to me was the whining of an old braggart too proud to admit his faults and too vain to try something new. All of their agendas and manifestos were nothing but a lucrative offer to deceive the fools and encourage the clever in deceiving more fools.

~ Adhish Mazumder

I choked on the air I'd just sucked in and swung around in disbelief. What did you just say?Me and the whole PD heard about your wet bra, so I'm assuming your panties are wet too.

~ Rachel Brookes

You know, Mac,”Cadmus said still looking out the window. “We may have to work on the way we tell our story …apparently it’s not amusing enough.” “I’ll try to include a joke between ‘he bled to death’and ‘the city burned’.”Machaon responded tersely.

~ Sulari Gentill

I don't spend money on books. I write them myself.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

In the battle of DNAs, your DNA will always win against the DNA of your father.

~ Prashant Yadav

it seems politicians projected the powerful brand called Ambedkar, rather than his ideologies. Like the ad says 'name is enough.

~ Anoop Raghav

No one plows the field just by thinking about it.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

If this constant bitter disappointment was love, then I was perfectly fine not to have anything to do with it.

~ Vann Chow

It's weird, marriage. It's like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their 'other half.

~ Jess C. Scott

..each ministry has an allocation of money to spend on projects agreed to by the government. Every Secretary of State is acutely aware that his tenure of office maybe very short, so he picks out a major contract for himself from the many available. It's the one way to ensure a pension for life if the government is changed overnight or the minister simply loses his job.

~ Jeffrey Archer

Oh. Sure. It makes perfect sense. Zane is a wolf because his father is an eagle.

~ C.j. Milbrandt

It’s like a jolt of electricity, but worse.

~ Lee Davidson

The great thing about the Internet isn't that you can reconnect with old friends or stay up to date with developing world events or send pictures of newborns immediately around the world. It is simply that you can log on to jcpenney.com from anywhere and order fresh underwear immediately after seeing your life flash before your eyes.

~ David C. Holley

I know the power of speech. I don't talk much.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

Some people stride toward a better future. Others have chauffeurs.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

If all it takes to motivate you is a quote then this quote has nothing to say – except to go soar with the freakin’ eagles.

~ Ryan Lilly

My cock actually sort of staggers like a punch-drunk boxer who doesn’t know when to stay down.

~ Alexis Hall

Never trust your colleagues. Work politics are founded by them.

~ Adhish Mazumder

I didn’t intend it to come out sarcastically, but I guess that’s just where my tone of voice automatically goes these days.

~ M.a. George

Phrase the question any way you like…The answer will still be ‘Kiss my ass.

~ M.a. George

I paused for a moment, debating whether to turn and look what was happening. My senses told me Obo’s presence was still at my side, and turning my face into the barrel of a gun seemed like an ill-advised way to cap off this day of monumentally stupid decisions.

~ M.a. George

It’s a sad state of affairs when I’m the one bringing sanity to the equation

~ M.a. George

There’s an empty seat next to me in the ‘intensely aggravating’ section…and it’s got your name on it

~ M.a. George

The cleanest civilization I’ve ever seen…and the number one thing you pack for a wedding is a jar of dirt?

~ M.a. George

I wish I could say I’m low maintenance, but I like some of the finer things in life…like a toothbrush.

~ M.a. George

But you know as well as I do that anger won’t solve anything.”“I beg to differ,” he shrugged. “Anger can be quite rewarding…at least for those of us who have the option of blasting our enemies to oblivion.

~ M.a. George

My instincts told me that death would somehow be…different. But my rational mind reminded me that I had probably tempted fate one too many times. At least, I thought it was my rational mind. It sure seemed like the usual voice inside my head. Thank God there was only one of them.

~ M.a. George

See, that’s just it…You shouldn’t even know sayings like that,” I griped. “It takes normal people years to pick up on all those little phrases. Do you have any idea how stupid I feel, when I can’t even say ‘Hello, my name is Palta…Oh, and by the way—I’m the village idiot.’?

~ M.a. George

Ah yes…” He made an exaggerated nod. “I was supposed to be filling you in on Nangí’s story.” He winked at me playfully, as I kept up my glare. “Now, where should I begin?”“Tell you what, let me get you started,” I came back. “Once upon a time, there was this über-creepy old man—who looks like he lives in a haunted shack and eats small children for breakfast—and I decided to make him my new best friend becaaauuse… Okay, your turn.

~ M.a. George

Think of mental energy as broadcasting on a certain wavelength,” he tried to explain. “People with powers of the mind can tap into that wavelength…”“That’s all fine and good,” I nodded, “but evidently my transmitter is broken. Or much more likely…I never had one in the first place.”“Ah, yes,” he nodded unenthusiastically, “and your nose is mounted upside-down.”“Excuse me?” My forehead creased.“I do wish you would quit contradicting me,” he let out a tired sigh. “It’s insulting…and highly annoying.

~ M.a. George

I’m not familiar with this word you were repeating before…‘cojones’, was it?”I blushed as Dominick patted me on the back. “Way to introduce him to the vernacular, Palta.

~ M.a. George

Aeron’s stone-faced expression cracked, as he turned to give me a dumbfounded look. Meeting his questioning eyes, I let out a little annoyed sigh, “I refuse to believe that you don’t know the meaning of ‘cojones’.”“I’m well aware of the meaning,” he raised his eyebrows, fighting back a smile. “Just a little surprised at your choice of words…”“Yeah, I can really paint a verbal picture,” I responded dryly.

~ M.a. George

You get a kick out of shocking the pants off me, don’t you?” I shook my head with a smirk.He just shrugged with a playful smile, his eyes momentarily flitting toward my pants before returning to meet my gaze.“It’s an expression,” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t tell me you aren’t familiar with it, Mr. Smarty Pants.”“You have quite a repertoire of ‘pants’ references, don’t you?

~ M.a. George

I can only imagine what goes on in that head of yours…” he teased. “I assure you I haven’t taken up black magic, ritualistic sacrifice, or—”“Plushophilia?” I tagged on.“Excuse me?…” came his half-confused, half-intrigued reaction.“An obsession with stuffed animals,” I clarified. “I mean, you are a young one…”“Where did you come up with that?” He kept his hands firmly covering my eyes, but I could hear the amused smile in his voice. “Is that even a real word?”“I’m a doctor, I know these things,” I shrugged.

~ M.a. George

Don’t be so concerned,” he whispered. “We will get through this, I promise.” “What makes you so certain?” I couldn’t help my skepticism.“We have no other choice,” he replied matter-of-factly. “Is that really all you can come up with?” I scowled. “Couldn’t you just lie and tell me you have some kind of secret badass weapon that is going to make this a piece of cake?

~ M.a. George