Comical Quotes

...You see I believe in that stuff to: yoga and mystical powers. I once knew a man who could kill himself on command. Can you believe that? . . . Why do you laugh? . . . Believe it! By will of his own mind, he could make his heart stop beating for good' My neighbor poised and looked seriously at me, searching in my eyes. '...You laugh!' he repeated once more… 'You laugh, but he was a master at it! He could commit suicide at his own will!' Indeed, hearty laughter streamed through my nose. 'Could he do it perpetually?' I asked. 'Perpetually...?' My neighbor rubbed his waxy chin. 'I mean, is he still able to do it?' 'I’m not sure I understand.' 'Well? Then is he dead…?!'My neighbor's puzzled face slowly began to transform into a look of realization. 'But sir,' he said, 'Of course he’s dead! I mean to say... this man could kill himself on command, you see. And you don’t come back from the dead!' The two of us found ourselves crossing to the door so I could let my visitor out. I slapped him with friendliness on the shoulder. 'No, you don’t come back from the dead,' I agreed.

~ Roman Payne

-He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful.-It was stupid.

~ Lloyd Alexander

One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.

~ Carroll Bryant

What goes up must come down. Which is why we invented Viagra, to make it stay up a little longer.

~ Carroll Bryant

All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.

~ Carroll Bryant

We made it back to the airport without getting mugged, stoned, shot at, pounced on, bombed, shelled, garroted, gassed, pitched into, caught in a cross fire, sniped at, blockaded, napalmed, or trip-wired. No one even hit us with a water balloon.

~ Daniel Quinn

The doctor asked me recently how I was feeling within myself, I replied, “absolutely fine doctor, but I’m terribly lonely without myself.

~ Benny Bellamacina

When a bookworm finally decides to leave the house, perhaps to explore some literary destination in one of her novels, she will be surprised to know that there is a volatile, often antagonistic force in the real world known as the weather.

~ Joyce Rachelle

Oh. Sure. It makes perfect sense. Zane is a wolf because his father is an eagle.

~ C.j. Milbrandt

Next to God, Family is the best thing.

~ April Floyd

Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.

~ Carroll Bryant

Knowledge may be power, but half of what I know I wish I could forget.

~ Carroll Bryant

It seems to me that very sad things always contain an element of the comical

~ Haruki Murakami

I cannot, I cannot,' cried Marianne; 'leave me, leave me, if I distress you; leave me, hate me, forget me! But do not torture me so. Oh! how easy for those who have no sorrow of their own to talk of extertion!

~ Jane Austen

If teams had to name themselves honestly, they’d all be the Pimple-Faced Teenagers.

~ Eric Berlin

I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, and PMS. With a little BS and OMG mixed in.

~ Dannika Dark

It's okay to laugh, you know. The earth's not going to split open. You're not going to hell. Believe me. If there's a hell, I'll be there ahead of you, and they'll be too busy with me to even check you in.

~ Jennifer Niven

There is a night school where you shall meet great teachers: The sky! When the night falls, the shining stars in the school will teach you how small you are and how comical to own an ego!

~ Mehmet Murat Ildan

I've never been lost, but I was mighty turned around for three days once.

~ Daniel Boone

It is better to make an irrational noise in a bush than in a desert.

~ Duop Chak Wuol

If you want to know what's going on, keep your mind in the fridge or it might go off.

~ Benny Bellamacina

Assumptions are unopened windows that foolish birds fly into, and their broken bodies are evidence gathered too late.

~ Bryan Davis

I find a good cliche very comforting in times of stress. said the Sage.

~ Anneliese Blakeney

Who in the universe halts when the enemy tells them to?

~ Sherwood Smith

Swearing, d’Angelo entered the elevator. Fortunately, that was also still in order. When he got to the bridge, everything looked pretty ordinary – except for the third body of the day, which was lying spread-eagled on the deck with an almost comical look of surprise on his face. Jang was dead, although d’Angelo couldn’t see the cause, but then, he was no doctor. He sighed dismally. Now he hadn’t a navigator either. Or a crew for that matter.

~ Christina Engela

Foxbrush sneezed again.He couldn't help himself. It's not something a fellow likes to do when a stunningly beautiful woman is leaning toward him with an expression on her face like Nidawi's wore. But sneezes are not prey to the wants or wishes of those inflicted with them. He sneezed so violently that he nearly knocked his forehead against Nidawi's exquisite little chin. She leapt back lightly, frowning at first, then shaking the frown into a rain of laughter.

~ Anne Elisabeth Stengl

This book had two authors, and they were both the same person.

~ Terry Pratchett

You dare quarrel with me Doerwyne?She wrinkled her nose. It's not quarreling to express an opinion'Women don't have opinions.Then I must be a man, because I have plenty.

~ Georgia Fox

Thomas was sick of being accused of knowing things.

~ James Dashner