Funny But Sad Quotes

I'll have that someday, thought Peter. Someone who'll kiss me good-bye at the door. Or maybe just someone to put a blindfold over my head before they shoot me. Depending on how things turn out.

~ Orson Scott Card

The secret is,” I say, whispering right into his ear, “that yours was the best kiss I’ve ever had in my life.”“But I’ve never kissed you,” he whispers back. Around us the rain sounds like falling glass. “Not since third grade, anyway.” I smile, but I’m not sure if he can see it.“Better get started, then,” I say, “because I don’t have much time.

~ Lauren Oliver

Abandoned babies are unfortunate unwanted results of a once urgent desire to have an orgasm

~ David Cross

I surround myself with all eight throw pillows while hugging two. “What is so bad and uninteresting about me, Alex? Peter was the fifth break up–“–Sixth–” “–Sixth break up in the last two years. And I’m always the dumpee. Are my conversations that boring that no man wants to stay?”“Sandra, with this topic, yes. But usually, no.

~ Ambrosea Brown

Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.

~ Carroll Bryant

Wisdom of the Ages: Look out Below! Air Asia's catchy new advertising slogan.

~ Matthew Heines

Wisdom of the Ages US News Media If the devil is the father of all lies, isn't the US News Media their bitchy stepmother?

~ Matthew Heines

Wisdom of the Ages: President's Day One allowed the Federal Reserve and one got lead. One got a city and the other got dead.

~ Matthew Heines

Wisdom of the Ages Unsuccessful Town Slogans Sequim (WA)- We put the Dung in Dungeness.

~ Matthew Heines

Wisdom of the Ages: Government Like a mafia protection racket-without the protection.

~ Matthew Heines

Wisdom of the Ages: National Symbol With the preponderance of lawyers, banksters, arms, drug and tobacco dealers in our government, shouldn't our national symbol be changed from the eagle to the vulture?

~ Matthew Heines

Wisdom of the Ages: Skull and Bones A secret society of spoiled twits whose apparent purpose in life is littering the landscape with as many as possible.

~ Matthew Heines

Wisdom of the Ages: The Pope and Congress It looks as if confidence in the American voter to exorcise the demons in the Capitol has completely fallen through.

~ Matthew Heines

I'm falling into disrepair

~ Anne Tyler

So, my sweet, did it put the fun into funeral?

~ Johnny Rich