Funny But True Quotes

First of all, no messiahs are sent. Secondly, no messiah got it. Lastly, no messiah is. And if there ever was or is, maybe I too am it. As too is every dimwit.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Christians sometimes make themselves into elephants afraid of mice. You have the Creator of the universe on your side; not to mention, you've been given eternal life. 'Whom or what shall you fear?' To be afraid of anything other than God himself is like an insult to God.

~ Criss Jami

I would die for you, my love—in old age.

~ Ljupka Cvetanova

Like all great adventures, this one started with someone trying to get laid. King Menelaus didn’t go to Troy for the baklava.

~ Mark Leiren-Young

Somewhere in the crowd was at least one potential friend who'd understand the fundamental value of goofing off.Because if not, how boring would that be?

~ Alyson Noel

Men know that most women want to have an emotional connection with someone before they sleep with them. Men know that a lot of women think it's romantic to be friends first, and then the friendship blossoms into a relationship. Men know that they have to jump through all these hoops first, before they can get laid. And that's really all romance and courtship is to a man: hoops he has to jump through to get laid.

~ Oliver Markus

When guys try to get a good job and make a lot of money, it's so that they can find a good mate, because they know women like guys with money. Big tits are to men, what big wallets are to women. A sexy woman can have almost any man she wants. And a rich guy can have almost any woman he wants.

~ Oliver Markus

There is this common notion that young conservatives are the few, that most people had liberal worldviews when they were young. If this is true, then it is with great irony that a number of old liberals must never had progressed into conservatives as they grew older.

~ Criss Jami

We like to romanticize the wild, raw, majestic beauty of nature. But when you take a closer look, nature is really just a giant fuckfest. That beautiful bird chirping? It's a mating call. That pretty little bird is trying to get laid. And why does the peacock have such beautiful feathers? To attract females. Because he's trying to get laid.

~ Oliver Markus

Growing up I sometimes imagined that for Christ's return perhaps He would appear as 'Black Jesus' to white people and 'White Jesus' to black people just to screw with the racists.

~ Criss Jami

Character that is fruit-producing can be summed up in the mastery of these 5 qualities: morals, but a sense of humor; love, but respect for criticism; intelligence without pretense; humility without self-loathing; and a mind open, but with solid convictions.

~ Criss Jami

Everything is possible in America, except the production of intelligence.

~ Mie Hansson

There is this common notion that people are shallow and ignorant until they go out and see the world. I, on the other hand, went out and in comparison realized I was in pretty good standing.

~ Criss Jami

Angels are good not simply because they see bad as bad, but also because they see bad as corny.

~ Criss Jami

Never take advice about never taking advice. That is an old vice of men - to dish it out without being able to take it - the blind leading the blind into more blindness.

~ Criss Jami

Be careful not to appear obsessively intellectual. When intelligence fills up, it overflows a parody.

~ Criss Jami

You might be an introvert if you were ready to go home before you left the house.

~ Criss Jami

No matter how kind you are, always expect a few imbeciles.

~ Criss Jami

Only about 3 percent of animal species are monogamous. A couple of penguins, some otters and a few other oddball critters. To these select few it comes natural to mate for life and never look at another member of the opposite sex. Humans are not part of that little club. Like the other 97% of species, humans are not monogamous by nature. We just pretend that we are.

~ Oliver Markus

Look at the huge success of Fifty Shades of Grey. The girl in the book lets a rich guy beat her and ritually rape her, and she likes it! She finds it erotic! But imagine if Christian Grey wasn't a billionaire. Imagine if he lived in a dirty old trailer down by the river. Then that story wouldn't be a sexy romance novel, but an episode of CSI.

~ Oliver Markus

The funny thing about the heart is a soft heart is a strong heart, and a hard heart is a weak heart.

~ Criss Jami

Well, it's true for every elder sibling, We have this supremely potent weapon parents on our side in such matters. In fact, such are the times when our maturity works wonders in hitching parents to our side over these younger siblings.

~ Parul Wadhwa

I treat my thoughts like an old person treats their valuables: I cannot for the life of me proceed to throwing them out.

~ Criss Jami

To claim that one can never live a positive life with a negative mind is a very negative claim to make!

~ Criss Jami

Life is funny, when you are young you want to be older and those that are older wish to be younger.

~ Karon Waddell

Bitches act, loyal react

~ Prabuj

After each of his books, the writer, for a while, feels once again that he can now die happy.

~ Criss Jami

Generally it appears the case that, when faced with all life's problems, the baby, he wants to cry about everything, the child wants to question everything, the teenager wants to rebel against everything, the young adult wants to solve everything, the middle-aged adult wants to protect everything, and the elder wants to accept everything.

~ Criss Jami

A thief is one who insists on sharing his victimhood.

~ Criss Jami

I enjoy poetry where I can talk as bizarre as I please, but theology or philosophy, I always respect the truth by taking it a step further.

~ Criss Jami

On a supra human level, yeah, I got That Which Is. Yet on a simple human level, rare are times when either my left or my right foot is not in some kind of shit.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Humans, left to own misguided devices, scratches the Divine in the self as one would the lice, but remember to lick well all the vices.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

Life is an unfinished art, few master it, most just bark.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

When a female cop pull you over for speeding, to get out of the ticket, talk nice to her, try to flirt or start crying, i bet she will save the ticket for you.

~ Werley Nortreus

One piece of wisdom a writer quickly learns ~ typos keep you humble.

~ E.a. Bucchianeri

It is better to doubt that a concept is stupidly flying under your head than profoundly flying over your head.

~ Criss Jami

You're sad? I'll cheer you up. You're upset? I'd love to listen. All you have to do is come to me, you know I'll be there for you.

~ Werley Nortreus

So, am I too, like all other humans, just a rogue? Sure! Just a notch less than those rascals wearing godly robes.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

There is no human-like god. If there were, he'd be as silly as you.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas

God of blind believers is most likely to be cock-eyed.

~ Fakeer Ishavardas