Conan O'brien Quotes

When all else fails, there's always delusion.

~ Conan O'brien

It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention.

~ Conan O'brien

Applaud my idiocy.

~ Conan O'brien

All I ask is one thing, and I’m asking this particularly of young people: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism, for the record, it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.

~ Conan O'brien

A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.

~ Conan O'brien

Music and comedy are so linked. The rhythm of comedy is con­nected to the rhythm of music. They’re both about creating tension and knowing when to let it go. I’m always surprised when somebody funny is not musical.

~ Conan O'brien

The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheney's friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said 'Yes.'

~ Conan O'brien

The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like to help, but he's pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army.

~ Conan O'brien

Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me.

~ Conan O'brien

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

~ Conan O'brien

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.

~ Conan O'brien

President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003.

~ Conan O'brien

According to a new survey, 40 percent of adults in Mexico say they would move to the United States if they got a chance. The number would have been higher, but the other 60 percent already live here.

~ Conan O'brien

There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized.

~ Conan O'brien

The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.

~ Conan O'brien

Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen.

~ Conan O'brien