Dick Gregory Quotes

No kid in the world, no woman in the world should ever raise a hand against a no-good daddy. That's already been taken care of: A Man Who Destroys His Own Home Shall Inherit the Wind.

~ Dick Gregory

They told me there was very little racial prejudice in Hawaii. Like a woman is just a little bit pregnant.

~ Dick Gregory

Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: 'We don't serve colored people here.' I said: 'that's all right, I don't eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken.

~ Dick Gregory

Momma, a welfare cheater. A criminal who couldn't stand to se her kids go hungry, or grow up in slumbs and end up mugging people in dar corners. I guess the system didn't want her to get off relief, the way it kept sending social workers around to be sure Momma wasn't trying to make things better.

~ Dick Gregory

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighbourhood after dark.

~ Dick Gregory

You hear entertainers all the time, saying, 'If I couldn't get paid for this, I'd do it for free.' When's the last time you ever heard a business person say, 'If I couldn't get paid for being chairman of British Petroleum, I'd do it for free'?

~ Dick Gregory

You know, I always say white is not a colour, white is an attitude, and if you haven't got trillions of dollars in the bank that you don't need, you can't be white.

~ Dick Gregory

And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede.

~ Dick Gregory

My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn't a Christian, she would stomp you to death.

~ Dick Gregory

When I first broke through, there was only NBC, CBS and ABC, and they had news in the morning and in the evening - there wasn't no 24-hour news.

~ Dick Gregory

When I go through the airport and see white women walking through the airport barefooted, like athlete's feet don't exist, there's something wrong.

~ Dick Gregory

We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry, because we didn't think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it was a massacre.

~ Dick Gregory

Let me tell you, never before in the history of this planet has anybody made the progress that African-Americans have made in a 30-year period, in spite of many black folks and white folks lying to one another.

~ Dick Gregory

Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.

~ Dick Gregory

I buy about $1,500 worth of papers every month. Not that I trust them. I'm looking for the crack in the fabric.

~ Dick Gregory

In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it's a sport.

~ Dick Gregory

When you have a good mother and no father, God kind of sits in. It's not enough, but it helps.

~ Dick Gregory

People with high blood pressure, diabetes - those are conditions brought about by life style. If you change the life style, those conditions will leave.

~ Dick Gregory

I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that.

~ Dick Gregory