The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
~ Jay Leno
New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.
Politics is just show business for ugly people.
Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, 'I wish I had bought stock in it.' Only a Republican would think the best part of Viagra is the fact that you could make money off of it.
I was reading in the paper today that Congress wants to replace the dollar bill with a coin. They’ve already done it. It’s called a nickel.
My wife loves Europe but to me it's a bad day at a theme park.
L.A.'s large convenience stores are so big they can accommodate up to twenty armed robbers at one time.
They say hot dogs can kill you. How do you know it's not the bun?
Let me give you an idea how long ago they got married. You know where they met? . . . At a Cubs World Series game.
You know who must be very secure in their masculinity? Male ladybugs.
They keep talking about drafting a constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys. It's worked for over 200 years, and Hell, we're not using it anymore.
You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.
Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
