Lemony Snicket Quotes

Whenever you are examining someone else's belongings, you are bound to learn many interesting things about the person of which you were not previously aware.

~ Lemony Snicket

One could say, in fact, that no story really has a beginning, and that no story really has an end, as all of the world's stories are as jumbled as the items in the arboretum, with their details and secrets all heaped together so that the whole story, from beginning to end, depends on how you look at it.

~ Lemony Snicket

Criminals should be punished, not fed pastries.

~ Lemony Snicket

We are respecting our parents' wishes....They didn't want to shelter us from the world's treacheries. They wanted us to survive them.

~ Lemony Snicket

The expression 'Those who can't do, teach' is a curious one, because if you look at the world , you'll see that teachers aren't particularly worse at doing things than anyone else, so perhaps the expression might be better worded as 'nobody can do anything

~ Lemony Snicket

But the law is an odd thing. For instance, one country in Europe has a law that requires all its bakers to sell bread at the exact same price. A certain island has a law that forbids anyone from removing its fruit. And a town not too far from where you live has a law that bars me from coming within five miles of its borders.

~ Lemony Snicket

...bravery often demands a price.

~ Lemony Snicket

The world is too quiet without you nearby.

~ Lemony Snicket

Like many people who dress in black, the lump of coal was interested in becoming an artist.

~ Lemony Snicket

A long time ago, there was no such thing as school, and children spent their days learning a trade, a phrase which here means standing around doing tedious tasks under the instruction of a bossy adult. In time, however, people realized that the children could be allowed to sit, and the first school was invented.

~ Lemony Snicket

There's nothing wrong with athletics, but they shouldn't get in the way of your schoolwork.

~ Lemony Snicket

That night was a dark day. Of course, all nights are dark days, because night is simply a badly lit version of day, ...

~ Lemony Snicket

I think everyone's parents have secrets. You just have to know where to look for them.

~ Lemony Snicket

Reader: Dear Mr. Snicket, What is the best way to keep a secret? Lemony Snicket : Tell it to everyone you know, but pretend you are kidding.

~ Lemony Snicket

We both wanted to know each other's secrets, and we both wanted the other person to go first.

~ Lemony Snicket

A secret note is secret. There is no reason to sign it.

~ Lemony Snicket

The world is swirling with so many mysteries and secrets that nobody will ever track down all of them. But with a book you can stay up very late, reading until all the secrets are clear to you. The questions of the world are hidden forever, but the answers in a book are hiding in plain sight.

~ Lemony Snicket

There are two good reasons to put your napkin in your lap. One is that food might spill in your lap, and it is better to stain the napkin than your clothing. The other is that it can serve as a perfect hiding place. Practically nobody is nosey enough to take the napkin off a lap to see what is hidden there.

~ Lemony Snicket

Being curious is the most important part of being a journalist. It might be the most important part of being anything.

~ Lemony Snicket

If you ask one question, it will lead you to another, and another. It's like peeling an onion.

~ Lemony Snicket

The book did not say anything about a statue, valuable or otherwise, and so I stopped reading about the Bombinating Beast and got interested in the chapter about the Stain'd witches, who had ink instead of blood in their veins. I wondered what they kept in their pens.

~ Lemony Snicket

Perhaps I should just bury myself and become a diamond after thousands of years of intense pressure

~ Lemony Snicket

The real Santa Claus is at the mall.

~ Lemony Snicket

Everybody will die, but very few people want to be reminded of that fact.

~ Lemony Snicket

In an emergency, one often learns that one's companions can be of even less help in extraordinary circumstances than they are during an average evening.

~ Lemony Snicket

People who think nothing can go wrong are usually disappointed.

~ Lemony Snicket

When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.

~ Lemony Snicket

...The sea... some have said is nothing but a library of all the tears in history.

~ Lemony Snicket

Tears are curious things, for like earthquakes or puppet shows they can occur at any time, without any warning and without any good reason.

~ Lemony Snicket

Sunny held Kit, and Violet held Klaus, and for a minute the four castaways did nothing but weep, letting their tears run down their faces and into the sea, which some have said is nothing but a library of all tears in history.

~ Lemony Snicket

I will love you as an oven loves malfunctioning in the middle of roasting a turkey.

~ Lemony Snicket

Read about things that wouldn't keep you up all night long, weeping and tearing out your hair.

~ Lemony Snicket

I like a story that could never happen to me. If I want real life I'll read a newspaper.

~ Lemony Snicket

Wishing, like sipping a glass of punch, or pulling aside a bearskin rug in order to access a hidden trapdoor in the floor, is merely a quiet way to spend one's time before the candles are extinguished on one's birthday cake.

~ Lemony Snicket

He looked like the sort of person who would tell you that he did not have an umbrella to lend you when he actually had several and simply wanted to see you get soaked.

~ Lemony Snicket

Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you'd see.

~ Lemony Snicket

Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear. Some people say that a sunrise is a miracle, because it is somewhat mysterious and often very beautiful, but other people say it is simply a fact of life, because it happens every day and far too early in the morning. Some people say that a telephone is a miracle, because it sometimes seems wondrous that you can talk with somebody who is thousands of miles away, and other people say it is merely a manufactured device fashioned out of metal parts, electronic circuitry, and wires that are very easily cut. And some people say that sneaking out of a hotel is a miracle, particularly if the lobby is swarming with policemen, and other people say it is simply a fact of life, because it happens every day and far too early in the morning. So you might think that there are so many miracles in the world that you can scarcely count them, or that there are so few that they are scarcely worth mentioning, depending on whether you spend your mornings gazing at a beautiful sunset or lowering yourself into a back alley with a rope made of matching towels.

~ Lemony Snicket

The sky was dark blue twilight, pretty to look at but lonely to walk under.

~ Lemony Snicket

With a library it is easier to hope for serendipity than to look for a precise answer.

~ Lemony Snicket

The truth is that you can never be sure if you have decided on the right thing until the party is over, and by then it is too late to go back and change your mind, which is why the world is filled with people doing terrible things

~ Lemony Snicket