Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient
~ Milton Berle
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
I can't tell you his age but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
I'd like to tell you some jokes now but you'd only laugh.
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Laughter is an instant vacation.
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
There's a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer.
