Molly Harper Quotes

Jane: Look, Dave Chandler left me on the ninth floor of our university research library without my panties after we lost our virginity together. He never called me again and actually turned on his heel and walked in the opposite direction whenever he saw me on campus. Unless you're going to do that, I don't think were gonna have a problem. Gabriel?Gabriel: Sorry. Something strange happened inside my head when you said the word panties. The overwhelming urge to kill Dave Chandler combined with a simultaneous loss of blood to the brain.

~ Molly Harper

Jane: Missy was not so subtly reminding me that she had done something nice for me and here i was being rude when all she was asking me to do was attend a nice party. This was the way southern women worked all peaches & cream laced with arsenic.

~ Molly Harper

There was not a lot of room for someone like me, who kept the gossip mill running like a hamster wheel.

~ Molly Harper

I hated her out of principle, and that principle was bitterness.

~ Molly Harper

Go on, you've claimed your thirty pieces of silver, go do something crazy like put gas in that penis replacement you call transportation.

~ Molly Harper

Ah, spite, the stuff of fairy tales.

~ Molly Harper

Hi Maggie, it's nice to see you again,' he said, smiling so sweetly I thought I might need insulin.

~ Molly Harper

I held it together for the rest of the drive home but as soon as Kelsey dropped me off I flopped face down on the couch and sobbed like a reality TV star on confessional day.

~ Molly Harper

He was always 'checking in' to see if I needed any help with my campaign, which on the surface seemed nice enough, but it was done in a condescending tone that made me want to staple his lip to his tie.

~ Molly Harper

If one is going to spend her afternoon singing hymns to the great porcelain goddess, she might as well do it in a really plush ladies room. Stupid fear of public speaking.

~ Molly Harper

I’ve never done this before. I didn’t go to human bars. Mudslides aside, I’m not much of a drinker. Club people are not my people. Now, book-club people—

~ Molly Harper

It took me awhile to learn the rules. OK, it took the librarian in me weeks of careful obsessive research to learn the rules. There was a label maker involved. I'd rather not go into it.

~ Molly Harper

Vampirism: (n) 1. The condition of being a vampire, marked by the need to ingestblood and extreme vulnerability to sunlight. 2. The act of preying upon others forfinancial or emotional gain. 3. A gigantic pain in the butt.

~ Molly Harper

...I supplied in a tone so saccharine that it should have tipped him off that his testicular health was in serious peril.

~ Molly Harper

Ophelia was beating some poor underling for not knowing her arse from the sparse collection of cells between her ears.

~ Molly Harper

Don’t tell them he’s upstairs , I commanded my brain. Tell them he moved to Pacoima to start a commune for vegetarian vampires. Tell them he’s looking into getting a sex-change operation and renaming himself Lulu Pleshette.

~ Molly Harper

I am not the kind of girl who trusts a man to tell her everything she needs to know in his own due time, so I did some research on my sire. You can take the girl out of the library, but you can't take the neurotic, compulsively curious librarian out of the girl.

~ Molly Harper

Most of the funeral stuff is going to be done during daylight hours,” I said. “I’m not even going to be able to attend the burial. Humans get upset when vampires burst into flames right next to them.

~ Molly Harper

In a werewolf pack, you cannot interfere with the mate choice of a clan fellow. You cannot intentionally harm that werewolf’s chosen mate. You are not, however, required to help that person should he find himself in a life - threatening situation.Somehow, Zeb had managed to stumble into several such situations in the few months since he ’d been engaged to Jolene. He’d had several hunting “accidents” while visiting the McClaine farm, even though he didn’t hunt. The brakes on his car had failed while he was driving home from the farm—twice. Also, a running chainsaw mysteriously fell on him from a hayloft.He would never get that pinkie toe back.

~ Molly Harper

The scent of growth, quiet and green, hung heavy in the air. I heard everything. I saw everything. I could count the craters on the moon. I could count every mosquito buzz past, bypassing my tender skin out of respect for a fellow bloodsucker.

~ Molly Harper

Vampirism: (n) 1. The condition of being a vampire, marked by the need to ingest blood and extreme vulnerability to sunlight. 2. The act of preying upon others for financial or emotional gain. 3. A gigantic pain in the butt.

~ Molly Harper

Welcome to the fascinating world of the undead! Please use this guidebook as ahandy reference as you make your first steps toward eternity. Inside you will findinformation on vampire nutrition, relationships, and safety. But before learningabout your future, a word about our past…—From The Guide for the Newly Undead

~ Molly Harper

Aunt Jettie: yes, i'm wandering the earth seeking revenge on ben & jerry for giving me the fat a$$ and coronary & I give out love advice to the tragically lonely.jane: Is that an ironic eternal punishment for the lady who died an eighty-one year old spinster. jettie: single by choice you twirp.jane: banshee.jettie: bloodsucker.

~ Molly Harper

Love? Love is for children and poor people...

~ Molly Harper

Sophie was a walking truth serum. If she was touching bare skin, she could yank the truth out of you like a loose tooth. I’d spent several unpleasant hours in her company during the Council’s screening process for humans who planned to work with vampires. That’s when I learned that you don’t refer to Buffy, the Winchesters, or even the Frog Brothers from The Lost Boys in front of Council officials. They do not have a sense of humor about that sort of entertainment.

~ Molly Harper

I am a disaster magnet. I came home from our first anniversary vacation with jellyfish stings, a puncture wound from a wrought iron pineapple and a cork-shaped bruise in my cleavage.

~ Molly Harper