Funny Quotes

Maybe I can stalk you again sometime.” “Absolutely.

~ Katie Klein

Abel was brushing the snow off his parka while Micha was dancing around him, still balancing the plate of cookies, singing, 'We're staying, we're staying, we're staying overnight! We're drying! We're drying! We're drying on the line!

~ Antonia Michaelis

Writing is like knitting. Stitch after stitch, word by word, and before you know it you have a book ... or a jumper!

~ Luggs

The stoic contemplates fallen leaves, the epicure rakes them into a loveseat.

~ Bauvard

By(e) pen, I've tried my hand at poetry; only to see how boring it is to me. That is, unless I get a chance to destroy each and every piece while doing it as I please.

~ Criss Jami

You're ruining that book! He pointed to the page I'd torn out. That's a perfectly good book! Holding his gaze, I reached down and ripped another page out. I'm making roses. Well, it's my book. Sorry. I tore out another.

~ Kate Avery Ellison

We conquer the Independence Day aliens by having a Macintosh laptop computer upload a software virus to the mothership (which happens to be one-fifth the mass of the Moon), thus disarming its protective force field. I don’t know about you, but back in 1996 I had trouble just uploading files to other computers within my own department, especially when the operating systems were different. There is only one solution: the entire defense system for the alien mothership must have been powered by the same release of Apple Computer’s system software as the laptop computer that delivered the virus.

~ Neil Degrasse Tyson

There’s always time for arguin’ when you’re a Fuentes.

~ Simone Elkeles

What are you boys doing?” she asks, as if we’re still little kids messing around.“Arguin’,” Carlos says matter-of-factly.

~ Simone Elkeles

Carlos, are we in complete understanding with each other?”“Yeah,” I say. “As long as it’s not in your house and you don’t know about it, you’re okay with us messin’ around.”“I know you’re joking with me. You are joking with me, aren’t you?”“Maybe.

~ Simone Elkeles

Ben walks in the room and asks, “What were you guys doing?” Nikki says “Nothing” at the same time I say, “Your sister and I were just makin’ out.

~ Simone Elkeles

Sylvia grabs my sleeve. “He’s a looker.”“I know. The problem is, he knows it, too.

~ Simone Elkeles

A text pops up on the screen. It’s from Luis. I can’t help but grin when I read his perfectly thought-out me

~ Simone Elkeles

You look like a hot tamale.”“That’s not really a compliment.

~ Simone Elkeles

What’s with all those tattoos? Makes you look like a hooligan.”“I suspect I am a hooligan.

~ Simone Elkeles

cause if you were my girlfriend and a stud like me was livin’ in your house, I’d kiss you in front of the guy every chance I got as a reminder.

~ Simone Elkeles

I’m not going anywhere until you hear me out.”Oh, please no. Anything except having to listen to her lecture. I push the button that calls the

~ Simone Elkeles

You were lookin’ at me like you wanted to kiss me.”I force a laugh. “Yeah, right,” I say sarcastically.“Nobody’s watchin’ if you want to, you know, try it. Not to brag, but I’m somewhat of an expert.

~ Simone Elkeles

She ignores me, so I cup my hands over my mouth and do something I haven’t done in years— barnyard sounds.

~ Simone Elkeles

Don’t try and make me feel better, Alex. I hate you.”“I hate you, too.

~ Simone Elkeles

Luis is right there.” I point to the corner of the yard, where my little brother is the centre of attention doing imitations of barnyard animals. I have yet to inform him that talent isn’t as much of a chick magnet when you get into junior high.

~ Simone Elkeles

Whoa, who was that?”“Madison Stone,” Kiara mutters.“Introduce me to her.”“Why?”Because I know it’ll annoy the shit out of you.

~ Simone Elkeles

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a dickhead. Well, I did.

~ Simone Elkeles

Listen, I didn’t ask for a face and body girls find attractive. But thanks to the mixture of my parents’ DNA, I’ve got them, and I’m not ashamed to use ’em.

~ Simone Elkeles

You’ve got a big ego, Fuentes.”“That’s not all I’ve got.

~ Simone Elkeles

Can you put your hands on my crot

~ Jennifer Echols

The Professor doesn’t have a problem being called Dick? If my name was Richard, I’d go by Richard or Rich . . . not Dick. Hell, I’d even settle for being called Chard.

~ Simone Elkeles

Boys don’t gossip.”“Pah! You don’t know us as well as you think.”This was a disturbing prospect.

~ Jennifer Echols

I wanted to remind you that you do not allow me to deliver boats, as I have been known to crash them.

~ Jennifer Echols

Oh.” My dad actually looked sheepish. “It’s one o’clock in the morning and I was going to tell you to shut the monkey up and go to bed. I didn’t realise what was going on in here.”“What’s going on in here?” Cameron asked suspiciously.“Maturity.” My dad backed out of the room and closed the door.

~ Jennifer Echols

Who’s driving the boat?”Over the motor, I heard girls screaming at us the instant before we crashed.

~ Jennifer Echols

I had shaved my beard for her-a huge disappointment, because I’d enjoyed my three weeks looking like a bank robber.

~ Jennifer Echols

But first I had to get through the ironing. It took a lot of patience. I had none. It took forever, and then I had to press the whole shirt again to get out the creases I’d pressed into it.

~ Jennifer Echols

The intercom buzzes while you're changing your shirt. You push the Talk button: Who is it? Narcotics squad. We're soliciting donations for children all over the world who have no drugs.

~ Jay Mcinerney

But...that doesn't make any sense...!''It does if you're a goat.

~ Linda Medley

Labor is a man crowning glory.Not this man's.I quote MarxI raised my hands. The pickaxe handle had been rough.I quote blisters.

~ John Fowles

Poor, dear old Mack, he was ninety-eight per cent perfect. His two percent failing was that he had absolutely no idea of the value or the power of arbitration. He was the veteran of a hundred battles, and I never once could say to the other fellow, 'Your dog started it.

~ William S. Hart

Kurt Cilke liked dogs because they could not conspire. They could not hide hostility, and they were not cunning. They did not lie awake at night planning to rob and murder other dogs. Treachery was beyond their scope.

~ Mario Puzo

Help us, Juli-wan Kenobi, you're our only

~ Rachel Aaron

Don't try to nice your way out of this. It's insulting.

~ Rachel Aaron