Funny Quotes

Bricks are independent but can work well with other, tough to crack, fiercely loyal and put in the right spot will hold anything and everything that you’ve ever held dear with the greatest of ease.

~ Nicole Mckay

Wendy’s house, unlike many in Cape Breton, had three floors, along with a basement and attic. Aside from Wendy’s bedroom, there was a laundry room. The dirty water in the sink would rush from the washer hose, bubbling up, threatening to overflow, but it never did. Next-door was a motel with a neon sign that read in turquoise and pink, “We have the best rates in town!”, but the ‘E’ in ‘rates’ kept flickering on and off day and night so that every few seconds it would switch to, “We have the best rats in town!

~ Rebecca Mcnutt

Life is a very brief candle especially when you burn it at both ends

~ Josh Stern

I say, `Woe to them that have a nose, a real nose,and come to look round the torture-chamber! Aha, aha, aha!

~ Gaston Leroux

Now it is easy to perceive that the moral part of love is a factitious sentiment, engendered by society, and cried up by the women with great care and address in order to establish their empire, and secure command to that sex which ought to obey.

~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Dear Josh, we stopped by to fuck you but you didn't answer the door. Therefore you are gay. Sincerely, Tiffany and Amber.

~ Daniel Clowes

His ass has seen more cock than a poultry farm!

~ Lou Harper

Is this your boyfriend? the first nun asked. Clair Olivia looked me up and down. “No. This is my gay friend who decided he was straight and single-handedly wrecked havoc at an all-boys school in Massachusetts this fall. He’s gay again and home for Christmas, so yay!

~ Bill Konigsberg

So while I drove my little and planned his fantasy night of how I was going to give Otter the key to my soul (his words, not mine), I silently panicked and wrote lines of bad poetry. Normally, I am quite adept at writing poems and lyrics to songs I'l never sing, but this stuff was just atrocious. For example:I love youYou love meThank God for thatI'm so happyAnd Ty's personal favorite (which he helped me on): Otter! Otter! Otter!Don't lead cows to slaughterI love you and I knowI should've told you soon-aBut you didn't buy the dolphin-safe tuna!TY asked me if I got the hidden message in his poem. I told him it was loud and clear.

~ T.j. Klune

Day drag. Ashley answered simply. The sun turns vampires into dust and drag queens into this. He motioned with his hand down his body.

~ Kyle Adams

What the hell happened to your leg? Ang asked him. Matt looked down at his shin, which was scraped and oozing and seemed to be caked in mud. Crashed.Crashed what? Ang asked. My mountain bike. We just got back.You crashed, then what? Rolled in dirt?He laughed. Something like that actually. It's not a successful ride if you don't bleed. He must not have noticed the look of horror on my face, because he asked, suddenly enthusiastic, You guys ride?Angelo and I just looked at each other, and he seemed to realize that was a no. Too bad. Well, make yourselves at home. Beer's in the fridge. I have to get cleaned up. Kickoff's in ten minutes.Football? Angelo asked. Matt looked at his as if he had just asked if the sky was really blue. Yeah! First game of the regular season! We just stared blankly at him, and he just laughed and disappeared down the hall. Angelo looked at me with a smile on his face. Four fags watchin' football. Must be pretty fuckin' cold in hell right now.

~ Marie Sexton

...our witness, one Edward Littleton, was as gay as Elton John's handbag.

~ Ann Somerville

Breckin shrugs. “I’m new here. And if you haven’t deducted from my impeccable fashion sense, I think it’s safe to say that I’m…” he leans forward and cups his hand to his mouth in secrecy. “Mormon,” he whispers.

~ Colleen Hoover

He's wearing flannel! Alan yelped. He's shoving his straight in my face!

~ K.d. Sarge

I’d like to make it clear from the start that I am gay, gay,gay. Like, when I come out of the closet, I’m usually wearingmy sister’s prom dress kind of gay.

~ Gwen Hayes

Dear Hope, I NEVER thought Id see the day when two of your daily e-mails sandwiched a message from none other than PAUL PARLIPIANO. My crush to end all crushes! Gay man of my dreams! OOOH!

~ Megan Mccafferty

I had a dream about you. I licked your cone of ice cream. It was envelope flavored.

~ Melody Sohayegh

I had a dream about you. We were married and I walked into the room to see you in my new black dress and high heels and I said That's not what I meant when I said I bought them for you.

~ Georgia Saratsioti

You have been around since scaly things crawled out of the muck, would it have killed you to read a book?

~ Metatron Supernatural

A crazy old lady, leading a band of teenagers against an angry supernatural Entity - who’da thought?

~ Diane M. Haynes

He’s sitting casually at my kitchen table peeling the skin off an applewith a pocket knife, a red apple that he has quite obviously appropriated from my fruit bowl, might I add.

~ L.h. Cosway

Have you ever heard someone say 'I shouldn't have trusted my intuition'?

~ Jennifer Ho-Dougatz

So I flirt with disaster once or twice. Who doesn’t?”He snorted. “You don’t just flirt with disaster, you have intercourse with it.

~ Dannika Dark

If you feel like you're drowning, don't forget that it is just a feeling; it will pass with love and care. If you're actually drowning, then how are you reading this?

~ Dani N M.

Blood is thicker than water, but they still use corn starch as a thickener on cooking shows

~ Josh Stern

I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I’d better go drown myself before I freeze to death.


~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Well, you know that old saying, “Keep your friends close and make out with your enemies.

~ Shae Ross

Just because I'm insane doesn't mean I have to act all crazy.

~ Diana Rowland

I am not schizoid. A little manic-depressive, maybe.'Know thyself.' We try, sir.

~ Lois Mcmaster Bujold

You know very well that I no longer think. I am far too intelligent for that.

~ Albert Camus

Oh, girl! He's got a big one,” the fortune teller exclaimed, her dark eyes briefly flickering up to Violet's face before returning back to the cards spread out in front of her. She paused for a moment as she studied them, her pointer finger tapping against her jaw. Finally, she added, “Just like a summer sausage, and I'm not talking about the snack-sized ones. And it's attached to a body that could put Dwayne Johnson to shame. What women could resist a package like that? I'd say the future is definitely going to be bright... at least for you.

~ Rose Wynters

Orlando had a Pinto, a car that hadn't been in existence for thirty-plus years. He still hadn't figured out why a strong, strapping werewolf would want one. Orlando said it was because he'd customized it. Painted pink with purple stripes, the younger male could often be found cruising up and down the streets of Wolf Town, with his terrible music blaring out of the windows. The car was a ticking time bomb. Already, more than one werewolf had offered to blow it up. Orlando better enjoy it, Connor doubted he would have it for very much longer.

~ Rose Wynters

The preacher released a pent-up breath as he sagged in relief. “Thank God he's gone.” His eyes narrowed at Alexander as he bit out, “Did you know that man had the nerve to lasso me while I was out in the woods?

~ Rose Wynters

Ian's eyes settled on him, his expression grim. He bypassed everything, coming to a stop in front of the nervous young male. “I want all of your medicines to relieve fever, including liquids and capsules. Plus, I want a thermometer, the best one you have, and make sure it's not rectal.” He narrowed his eyes at the wide-eyed clerk in front of him. “I don't do rectal, and I won't use anything that involves an ass.

~ Rose Wynters

They say laughter is the best medicine, and I agree. Plus, it’s free, has no bad side effects and is available to EVERYONE.

~ Mindy Levy

I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am.

~ Gustave Eiffel

Truly competent Literary Detectives are as rare as truthful men, Mr. Tweed -- you can see her potential as clearly as I can. Frightened of someone stealing your thunder, perhaps?

~ Jasper Fforde

For if it is rash to walk into a lion's den unarmed, rash to navigate the Atlantic in a rowing boat, rash to stand on one foot on top of St. Paul's, it is still more rash to go home alone with a poet.

~ Virginia Woolf

Most people are idiots

~ Christopher G. Nuttall

We really need to find a cure for stupidity, and fast! I've heard it's contagious...No wonder why there's so many of them.

~ Analiza Micheal