If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels....
~ Josh Stern
The only way I’d ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard
It's not hard to fail...it's hard to accept you failed...but once that's out of the way, it's pretty smooth sailing
Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll land on them on your way down
Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs
If the love is not madness, then the sex is not insane
Revenge is a dish best served in something microwaveable
In order to butterfly kiss, does it require caterpillar lips?
Y'know when your dog drags its butt across the carpet leaving a stain- It's not as easy as it looks...
Manners without sincerity, is called polite society
Anyone can spin a victory, it's a total loss that demands creativity
Everyone comes with baggage, make sure you get one that comes with a rack
If life is a bowl of cherries, what's inside of it?
Patience is learning to take a deep breath while you’re exhaling
If you see the light at the end of the tunnel, you’re lookingthrough binoculars the wrongway
Dr. Suess said: 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened..' I tell my dates: 'Don't cry because it happened, smile because it's over
Friends might lose touch but never lose feelings
Y'know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations, like sitting on frozen peas after a vasectomy
An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet
Target your random acts of kindness, to keep a tally of who owes what
If you're stuck in the past, you go forward in reverse
At this point in my life, beaming confidence is largely a matter of mind over bladder control
Women, can't live with them, can't murder/suicide without them
Never be paralyzed by fear, just by falling off a cliff
Sure I eat my feelings, but I save the emotional roller coaster for dessert
I hate pulling out... I mean, I'm really bad at the whole parking thing....
To err is human, to accept full responsibility is to just run with it
Don't ever mistake silence for ignorance, when it is obviously stupidity
If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried
The true genius of a Woman is her subtle flair in creating the illusion that you are the smart one
Behind every successful man, is a Woman breathing through her mouth
Only the good die young, the bad petite-mort
Some people are so positive, that when they slip in dog poop, they pirouette
Women need a reason to have sex, while men just need an angle
If America runs on Dunkin', do I detect a slight limp?
Love is the canvas covering the furniture that you've become a part of
I spread eggshells all over my room, so anyone who tries to get close when I sleep will know what they're walking on
positivity is the father of reinvention
If positivity is not your mindset, then reset
If you take things the wrong way, be aware of which end is up
